Redefining Sexy

Sexy

Several months ago, my husband and I were in Las Vegas and were taken aback by a bunch of 20-somethings heading out to go clubbing. They were dressed to impress – complete with skirts up to their choochilas and tops so low cut that everything short of nipples was exposed! I’m not talking short – I’m talking obscene!

Some of these gals were stunning with great bodies and others were a bit on the “hefty” side. But it didn’t matter! They looked like they could’ve been working Hollywood and Vine (ya know from Pretty Woman).

Let’s imagine one of these girls met the “Man of her dreams” at the bar dressed like hooker. What do you think the man is going to expect that night? I’m sure most of these gals probably do have morals, but based on what they were wearing, they’re simply sending out the “you’re going to get lucky” message. 

Allow me to sound like grandma now. (Wait, I really am one – but Niccie calls me “Tutu” so it doesn’t count.) Anyway, in my day, I think I was pretty hot – I wore everything from blonde wigs to rubber dresses at UndercoverWear Fashion Shows – and I certainly had the “strut” down pat. 

But if I think back to when I was dating my husband, I hope I looked sexy without ever coming close to looking like a hooker!

Young women today should learn that sexy doesn’t mean looking X rated. Marilyn Monroe was the ultimate sex symbol for blonde; Sophia Loren had raw sex appeal; and don’t forget Grace Kelly’s class and aristocratic sex appeal. Obviously, my age is showing, but seriously, I find these legendary ladies far sexier than Pam Anderson or Lady Gaga.

Of course men love to look at women with big boobs in low cut dresses the size of a bandage - unquestionably they do. But then again, even my husband says, “Men are pigs.”

Now, that’s out of a man’s mouth, so don’t start writing letters. You’ve all heard the story about the “Men are pigs and deserve to fry” club my friends formed when their husbands cheated on them. They all still have the 18k gold pig pins and custom t-shirts I had designed for club members only! 

I digress… The bottom line is this – look sexy, but look like a lady. Here’s my take on sexy at every age:

20 year olds think they have to look sexy 

30 year olds think they’re naturally sexy

40 year olds act sexy  (yep, enter confidence)

50 year olds wonder if they’re too old to be sexy

60 year olds want someone – ANYONE – to say they’re sexy

70 year olds try to remember sexy

80 year olds are glad they don’t have to be sexy

90 year olds – by God – they are SEXY!

Remember this ladies, sexy is what sexy does!

A clarification from Tiffany...

Apparently, Miss U’s blog about her facelift has caused some confusion. So much that I’ve received a plethora of calls and emails asking me exactly what type of cosmetic surgery I’ve had!

OK everyone; I have a couple of questions:

1.     Do you all think I need a facelift?

2.     Do you all think I need lots of other nipping and tucking?

And finally…

If I had a facelift, do you really think I’d put it in a blog?

So no. I’ve had nothing done. If I ever do, you’ll all see it immediately – way before you read about it. If I do decide to “have stuff done,” I’m not one of those gals who want to look “rested.” Forget that nonsense – I’d want to look younger…MUCH younger!

Let’s just say I was thinking about it. The perfect age would maybe be forty. Yes, that’s it. I think I’ll go for a consultation and see if they can make me look forty. It’ll be wonderful – when I go out with my husband, I will be the “trophy” wife. How fun.

Wait; there may be a flaw in my plan. The trophy wife thing is great, but what happens when I’m out with my son? He’s 40 and I’m his mom (who looks 40). There could only be one explanation for that – he’s my son, but from my husband’s first marriage and I love him like my own. After all, he does look more like my husband, so maybe I could get away with that. Unfortunately, it may not work – he has MY personality and my granddaughter is way too much like me!

OK. Plan B – I’ll look 50. So, Jamie is 40 and I’m 50. I’ll simply tell everyone I was born in the back woods of the south and married when I was nine. It’s a joke everyone, let’s not talk about political correctness. Joke – ha ha!

Here are the facts – when you have a son who’s 40, even if you lie about your age, you’re still “old!” I’m not looking for positive reinforcement like, “Tiffany you don’t look your age.” Nor am I searching for words of wisdom like, “your only as old as you feel” or “age is only a number.” And while you’re at it, let’s skip my favorite, “60 is the new 50 and 50 is the new 40.”

Let’s face it, 50 is 50; 60 is 60. And, in this stage of life (actually every stage of life), what’s most important isn’t a number – it’s staying healthy, maintaining a positive mental attitude and living each day to the fullest. My favorite UCW mantra I ever wrote is, “Remember where you came from, thank God for where you are and look forward to where you are going.” In other words, embrace the memories of the past, live for the moment and stay focused on what you want to achieve in your life – personally and professionally. 

Here it is – I’m 62! I can’t believe I actually said it. And damn it, I neither look it, nor feel it. So, I’m going with the cliché, “I’m like fine wine – I get better with age.”

Having said that, maybe I should look into Botox!