Hurricane Irene

Simply put, Irene was the least welcome houseguest this weekend. She tore through the east coast from Puerto Rico straight up to Maine – destroying weekend plans, vacations, homes, businesses and lives. All told, she claimed 27 lives and displaced more than 27,000 people now staying in 500 Red Cross shelters along her path.

My heart goes out to all those hurt by Hurricane Irene – we pray for your speedy recovery.

With plenty of warning, people along the east coast braced for Irene. Some were evacuated, others boarded up their homes and businesses while others simply stocked up on batteries, water and other essentials.

Sometimes it takes watching catastrophic disasters like Katrina and numerous Tsunamis for people to actually heed the advice of the experts. The good news is that we finally all started to listen.

Sure, there are facebook postings about Irene being “boring” and a “no show.” Well, my response to those lucky enough to be spared is “thank goodness.” Others who did not end up in the tropical storm end of Irene should be so lucky to look back and think they were too prepared.

It’s times like these when we should look around, give thanks for the things we still have and take time to appreciate the small things in life.

So, we were prepared and took action. Now, it will take “a village” to rebuild all that was lost. We may be through the storm, but the work begins now.

I wish everyone along the east coast a quick restoration. May the sunshine today be the first step of a new start for you all…

The Way We Were

Have you noticed how busy we all seem to be? As women we’re often compelled to play many roles – a chauffeur, cook, maid, event coordinator, personal shopper, mother, daughter, wife and a lover. Of course, in my case, I actually get “paid to party” at UndercoverWear. In any case, we play at various times and in no particular order.

While somewhat exhausting, it’s what we’ve chosen and multitasking has become an essential part of everyday life. Often times, the simple pleasures and excitement of life are all but forgotten. The past is the past and today is the present. And presently, we’re way too busy.

So for today, together, let’s take a walk down sweet memory lane.

Do you remember your first passionate kiss?

Where were your?

How did you feel?

Did you tingle from head to toe?

Do you remember the most romantic moment in your life?

Was it the day he proposed to you?

Was it the poem he wrote?

Was it rose petals and bubble baths?

Do you remember the night you had the best sex EVER? 

Was it hours of teasing and pleasing? 

Was it “throw me up against the wall” sex? 

Was it hot and sticky – oozing with passion?

Hmmm, I already need a cold shower.

Now think about your relationship today. I’m going to go out on a limb and bet that if you’re married, most of your memories either happened BM (Before Marriage) or BKA (Before Kids Arrived). 

Love, romance, passion and great sex used to be fun and exciting. Back then, you said, “I do,” and little by little, everything changed and “you didn’t.” The kids arrived, you took that great job, your parents started getting older, you got fatter, and he got balder. Ahh, those fond memories.

You still have those memories and I bet they bring a smile to your face. The good news is that they will always stay in your mind and heart. The bad news is those fun times are gone. However, you argue less and have become really good friends. Your relationship is so comfortable, but so is an old ugly chair.

Do you really know why so much as changed? Let’s play “Let’s pretend.”

Let’s pretend you’ve just met the man of your dreams – the first date and first kiss are behind you. He could be the most fantastic man in the world. He tells you he’ll call, you hope and pray he will. You check your phone 100 times per day, just in case you didn’t hear it ring. Finally, he calls and you’re thrilled. Since he’ll be away on business this weekend, he invites you to his place Monday to watch Monday Night Football. Pizza and wine – just the two of you.

You say yes even though you wonder if you’re the “weekday girl” and not the Saturday night date. You realize you have to trust him and if there is competition, you’ll win. He’ll dump the nasty bitch (who you’ve never met and probably only exists in your head).

Monday’s only four days away, but you can’t wait. What should you wear? You won’t be having sex, but just in case things get hot, you want to make sure you look sensuous underneath. You head to the mall Saturday to get the perfect casual but clingy and sexy top (not too sexy, but definitely showing some cleavage.) Then you buy two bottles of great red wine. You’d normally never spend $40 per bottle, but it’s well worth the investment. Should you buy two great glasses? No, that could say you think he’s incapable of finding good wine glasses. You decide no glasses, just the wine.

Then it hits you – you are football illiterate. You call your best male friend. “What are you thinking,” he says. “You know I’m gay.” You move onto your brother who gives you the basics, you watch ESPN, you go online – you don’t want to look stupid. If he loves football, you’re going to love football. He has to find out quickly just how compatible you are!

You rush out of work Monday to shower, shave your legs and put on your sexiest bra (push those babies up) and undies. You’ve got on a great top, tight jeans and high heels. The makeup goes on with great care, you dot perfume on your neck and cleavage. Now you’re ready to watch Monday Night Football with that sexy man of yours.

So, you’ve got the “Let’s Pretend” picture. Moving onto the “Why Is It” game…

Why is it that...

…Once you’ve got that man of your dreams (he’s now your husband), you bitch and complain when he wants to watch Monday Night Football?

…If you’re not bitching and complaining about football, you put on your flannel nightgown and socks and watch Steel Magnolias on Lifetime by yourself so you can cry your eyes out?

…You now think Football is confusing and stupid?

…You are not watching the game sharing a beer with him?

“Why is it” doesn’t stop with just one scenario.  Here goes.

Why is it…

…When you were first married, he’d go grocery shopping and you weren’t upset he bought the wrong soap, you were grateful that he went. Now it’s –How could you NOT remember what soap we use.

…The first night you slept together, his light snoring was endearing. Now, you kick him not so gently so he’ll stop.

…He couldn’t wait for his next kiss. No, now you’ll run out the door to meet your friends or go to the kids soccer game and completely forget to say “goodbye”

…You imagined a life filled with romance, passion and great sex. Now, you truly believe that was yesterday’s news?

…You no longer redo your makeup when your husband is due home.

…You don’t buy those sexy bras and undies any more?

And finally, Why is it we don’t put as much time and energy into our husbands as we did when he was our boyfriend? Let’s get a grip and start playing the Dating Game all over again.  The prize? Great, passionate, fun sex and much, much more!

Insecurity

This morning, I left the house really early to run to CVS to pick up a prescription.  My hair was in a ponytail and I was wearing my workout clothes.  I did have eyeliner and lipstick on, but trust I didn’t look like a Vogue model.  As I was running into McDonalds for a diet coke, I saw one of my “skinny bitch --blonde acquaintances. ” As always, she looked gorgeous.  Now keep in mind, she is not a friend, but an acquaintance. So rather than pause and say “hello”, I simply pretended I didn’t see her. Yes, it was my insecurity.

Would you believe that every single woman I know has some sort of insecurity?

It doesn’t seem to matter whether they are rich or poor, tall or short, thin or plus size.  It doesn’t matter what they have accomplished in their lives or how smart they are. Depending on the day, or time, or situation, our insecurities can, and will take over any sense of self. 

Personally, I think we should blame our Mothers.

As we were growing up, no matter how great we thought we looked or what we achieved, our Mothers told us differently. 

For example…

“Tiffany you look really nice tonight, but you’re blush is way too red.”

Or,

“Tiffany that dress looks horrible on you.”

Or the half-hearted compliment… “Oh Tiffany congratulations you made the honor role.  Didn’t Marilyn make High Honors?”

Marilyn was of course, my best friend who was beautiful, talented, smart and head Cheerleader. My sister Kris’s favorite story was when my Mother was chatting with Ralph Lauren and she said to my sister, “I would have introduced you, but you were wearing your glasses today.” Yes, in our house we were expected to be “pretty”, smart and accomplished. 

I don’t think my Mother was any different that yours. While she absolutely loved me and believed in me – she always pointed out “how I could be just a little bit better.” Based on my achievements, I guess it worked, but let me tell you - even though I have accomplished MUCH in my life, that insecurity demon can pop her nasty head when I least expect it.

Many years ago when my husband and I bought our first home in Hawaii – I met Patsy.  Patsy was married to Chris, a hotel developer, and they were our next-door neighbors, they looked like a couple straight out of the movies. Beautiful, rich, talented – everything one could envision. 

We were invited to their home one evening for dinner.  Their house was magnificent –27,000 square feet of living space. The dining room sat 16 people. The other guests were equally stunning, and the guests of honor were none other than, President Carter and his first lady.

Based on the fact that we had just purchased the house next door, Patsy knew that obviously, we had achieved some financial success. She asked me, “So what does your HUSBAND do?” I answered, “WE own a lingerie company.”

With every bit of disdain, she could muster, she said, “You mean –you WORK, you actually WORK for a living?”  She continued, “No woman on Kahala Avenue actually works.”

Let me tell you, by that time I was in my early 30’s, UndercoverWear had sales of over 50 Million, I was young, thin, attractive and successful but at that moment I felt like the overweight, chubby, insecure Italian meatball I was in my high school. 

That darn insecurity demon!

Well that was when I recognized therapy might be a good thing. Well actually, when my husband saw my insecurity he told me, “You’re nuts, and you definitely need help.”

Yes, my husband has a way with words.

My life with Patsy took some very funny turns. Which I’ll tell you more about later, we ultimately bought their BIG fancy house.

If my story hasn’t convinced you that everyone has a degree of  insecurity, then how about Sally Fields?

When she won her Academy Award, she was chastised when she very emotionally said, “You like me, you really like me.” The media was all over her. 

Must have been Male media. They just don’t understand.  

Their Mothers always told them how great they were. And they believed it. Yes, Mother’s of men (and I am one) convince our little boys, that they are perfect and then once they believe they are perfect, we hand them over to a wife.  Somehow she doesn’t quite see them as Perfection - except my daughter in law Cheryl, who knows my son, Jamie, IS PERFECT.  Right Cheryl?

So Ladies, insecurities are a part of our life. And while it might be painful for a moment or two, in some ways, I guess it keeps us grounded. But please don’t ever allow anyone, or anything; diminish your feeling of who you are, or what you can achieve!  No one can make you feel insecure. Only YOU can do that.  So together let’s banish the insecurity demon from ourselves and let’s set a different stage for women in the future!

Hair

Last week, I visited my stylist Ashley – a very sweet and accommodating girl – to have my translucent blonde roots “done.”

I entered the salon with a head full of brown hair and slightly lighter highlights, looking to have my roots colored and to get a clear glaze for shine. I left with black hair no highlights.  Yep, you heard me  - it’s black. 

While this is certainly not a “life or death” situation, I’m not really sure how it happened. I didn’t want or request a change. Of course, I can’t keep the black hair – it’s way too severe. Now I will have to endure the difficult process of going lighter and the cost is going to be ridiculous.

My next journey is known in the industry as “corrective hair coloring.”  Translation – “corrective” means expensive!

I’m sure you’re saying, “it was her error, why are you paying?!” You are correct. I guarantee you – in some way, I’ll be the one to pay. Even if I’m not charged, it will take SEVERAL appointments to “get it right” and lots of time wasted. You all know my mantra – don’t waste money, don’t waste time and don’t waste words.

(By the way, just before the color incident, I received a beautiful bouquet of Hawaiian flowers from the salon to thank me for being a VIP customer.  Obviously, I can’t be too bitchy about this – I don’t want to lose my “nice” status.)

When I realized my hair was the wrong, I immediately called Ashley. Ashley doesn’t get riled about too much. In fact, several months ago, right before a trip, I visited Ashley. My hair didn’t come out black that time. Au contraire! My roots were bright orange! The moment she took the towel off my head, I pointed out the orange roots. Ashley calmly confirmed ginger roots and said, “I wonder how that happened.” 

I had to decline her offer to “fix” my roots because I was leaving for Boston that evening, hadn’t packed and simply didn’t have time. Off I went to Boston with my orange roots and on a mission to get my hair “fixed.”

Suffice it to say, orange is not one my favorite colors.

Years ago, I was going to a different salon and wanted deep auburn hair. After an entire day of highlighting, toning etc., I got the perfect color. My husband even said the color was the “most gorgeous” he had ever seen on me.

Three weeks later, I returned for a “touch up” and guess what? It came out dark brown.  

I clearly understand it’s hair – only hair. No big deal.  But seriously, I don’t understand. I live in Hawaii. Most native Hawaiians have brown hair. One would think it would be relatively simple to find someone who can consistently give me the right hair color. It’s brown – not red, not blonde with highlights, not auburn with golden hues!  I want dark, rich brown.

I’ve threatened to go blonde. With my translucent blonde roots, it might be a great alternative, but my husband has always been a Joan Collins, Catherine Zeta Jones kind of guy. He’s made it clear he likes me as a brunette – could a change of hair color jeopardize my marriage?

Well, we’re going to a friend’s for dinner this week. Those same friends have heard my desire to go blonde and collectively determined that I am NOT allowed to do so. Why my hair color has become a democratic process is beyond me.

Anyway, my granddaughter Niccie and I have a secret. I’m wearing a blonde wig to dinner to prove blondes do have more fun!

So, in the course of one week, I will have had black hair, blonde hair and hopefully will return to a pretty rich brown. Otherwise I’ve heard “purple” is the color for fall!

Who knows?

Love

This has not been a good week for many of my loved ones – many are facing “life or death” situations. This makes me nervous and very sad, but it got me thinking about the dynamics of relationships. More importantly, it started me thinking about how we convey our love.

I don’t think it’s enough to simply tell someone you love him or her; I believe it’s far more important to actually show them.   

My son and his family are staying with us. Last week, my husband and son went golfing and I had a hectic day planned. I got up very early, conducted several conference calls, ran some errands, went grocery shopping and made a rather elaborate dinner with my granddaughter, Niccie. I then showered, shampooed and “fluffed and buffed” for dinner.

We set the table, ate dinner, cleared the table and ran the dishwasher. All in all, it was a long day!

After dinner, my husband and I watched “America’s Got Talent” with Niccie. As I was relaxing, she asked for some “crunchies,” so I got them some treats. Then, they wanted cake. Of course, I got up again. Followed by a request for soda and water and a third trip to the kitchen. With the final request for popcorn, I got up from the sofa and said jokingly, “Hey, do you two think I’m your maid?”

My husband immediately answered, “No, we just know you love us!  

That said it all.

Call it simplistic, but the truth of the matter is that I was doing all these things for them simply because I love them. When we love someone, aren’t we supposed to want to make life easier and better for that person?  It may take a bit of a sacrifice on our part, but I believe it’s certainly worth it. That is Love.

The stupidest movie line of all times was, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

In my book, love means giving yourself when you don’t really want to. And love means always being willing to say, “I’m sorry.”

Take the time to say, “I Love You” and take more time to show, “I Love You.”

One Minute Lover

 One Minute Lover

A “One Minute Lover” isn’t someone who creates a sexual experience in one minute or less. Of course, it can take just one minute to have sex, but creating a lover can take a lifetime.

My “One Minute Lover” concept involves doing simple things every day to create a warm, caring feeling within your relationship. The best part? Most of these things take only a minute or so!

Let’s start with a few basic things you can do to make him feel really special!

 

1.      Bring home his favorite donut           

2.      Buy some cheese in a can and serve him crackers with a smiley face. (Corny but really cute.)

3.      Watch sports on TV with him. (Bonus: Actually learn about the sport.)

Pat Bowlen, owner of the Denver Broncos, always wants to sit next to me at functions. Why?  No, not because of my wit and charm, but because he can talk football with me.

4.      Pick up some sports napkins and use them at dinner.

5.      Write, “I love you,” in lipstick on the mirror. (Bonus: Don’t forget to seal it with a kiss.)

6.      Make him his favorite sandwich in advance and put it in the fridge.

7.      Tuck in little note in his drawer just saying you love him.

8.      Pick up some of his “manly” stuff like deodorant, hair products, etc.

9.      Pick up some McDonalds gift certificates as a surprise

10.  Chill his favorite beer glass

11.  Go to his favorite place for dinner (even if it’s not yours).

For example:  my husband loves Rob Lobster. Me, not-so-much. But, I always give him a Red Lobster GC for Christmas or his birthday to ensure that we go.

12.  Be really nice to his parents and relatives

13.  Buy him a 6 pack of beers from around the world.

14.  Pick up his dirty socks once without complaining.

15.  Call him at work just to say, “I Love You.”

16.  Buy him his favorite childhood dessert, like a Twinkie.

17.  Kiss him good morning.

18.  Kiss him good night.

19.  Rub his leg when your having dinner (Bonus: Especially when you’re out with friends.)

20.  Lean over and give him a little “nothing peck” often. (Bonus: Be sure to do so when you’re out with his friends or relatives.)

21.  Hold his hand when walking.

22.  Thank him for the nice things he does for you. 

My husband always fills my car with gas. I always tell him how grateful I am.

23.  LISTEN intently when he’s talking. (Bonus: Don’t interrupt him or correct him) That’s a tough one for most women!

As I’ve said before – we sometimes take our relationship for granted. We get comfortable and while that’s nice, we should also make sure we put that extra effort into showing how much we appreciate our relationships. Don’t put more time and energy into your girlfriends than you do into your lover – not for one minute!

I’d love to hear from you!  Share this with all your friends online and tell us what your “One Minute Lover” tips…

Words.

My new mantra is, “Don’t waste time, don’t waste money and don’t waste words.”

Have you noticed that some people simply talk too much? Recently we had dinner with two other couples – two of the guests were doctors from England. The wife was quite lovely. The husband was a self-centered egotist who obviously didn’t recognize that the definition of conversation is an informal exchange of thoughts, information etc. He simply executed a soliloquy.

 

At one point, I thought he was going to start saying, “Friends, Romans and Countrymen lend me your ear.  I have come to bury Ceasar not to praise him.”

We underestimate the importance of words. They can heal, hurt and can be simply useless. Words can protect you or attack you. Words can never be taken back. Harmless gossip is never harmless, while over-sharing is never helpful.

We’ve all heard the old adage that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we could listen twice as much as we talk. Obviously, some people haven’t figured that out.

I have two favorite lines from the My Fair Lady song “Show Me.” First, “Words! Words! I'm so sick of words! I get words all day through; First from him, now from you! Is that all you blighters can do?” And next, “Never do I ever want to hear another word. There isn't one I haven't heard.”

Don’t waste words. Banal chatter is a waste of time.

May I also add that with all the social networking around, perhaps one should realize that when you are on Facebook or sending emails, those are words – Words for the whole world to see?

One of the most humorous incidents took place when one of the gals from the UndercoverWear corporate office posted on Facebook that she really disliked her boss. Of course, it was there for everyone to read – including her boss! Not the most intelligent move. I’ve got a surprise for everyone. Written words are still words!

Don’t get me wrong. I actually enjoy words – I love communicating, being able to share my life with my family and closest friends. I love offering counsel and direction. And I really love listening. Truly listening – not simply waiting to get my next point across. However, I chose my words carefully. I actually think before I speak. Now that’s a novel concept.

So think about it. Every so often it’s really OK to stop talking and enjoy a moment – an hour or even a full day – of silence. It’s refreshing. Trust me, you can make it up the next day.

So enough about words. In fact, enough words!

Golf Lesson

A couple of months ago, I took a golf lesson. My husband plays golf two or three times a week in Hawaii with a group of “golf buddies.” Every couple of months, there’s a “couples” golf outing. While all the other wives play, I don’t.

My girlfriend Marti decided that I would love playing golf if I tried it. I repeatedly told her I have no interest in golf and I reinforced that I am NOT very athletic. Sweetly, I said, “thank you very much. I don’t want to take a lesson.”

Like me, my friends don’t take “no” for an answer. Still convinced that one lesson at Wailae Country Club would make me fall in love with the game and play happily ever after, Marti’s solution was to give me a golf lesson for my birthday. Pretty clever. Reluctantly, I agreed and decided to adopt the right attitude, “you never know – I may enjoy this.”  

A couple of days before my lesson, Marti called to ask me if I’d purchased my golf clubs, shoes and attire. “What?” I asked. “Since your going to love golf, you really need the right equipment,” she said.

As much as I adore Marti, there was no way I was going to invest hundreds of dollars into my “accessories” without even taking a lesson.  After 15 minutes of Marti doing her best to convince me that at the very least I needed to buy golf shoes, she finally acquiesced.

My lesson was scheduled for 4:00 pm and I had to choose my outfit. With adorable brown, beige and purple Coach “mini sneakers” as my muse, I selected brown shorts, a lime green shirt and socks with purple and green stripes. I wore a cute lime green cap with my hair in a ponytail neatly tied back in a green sequin “scrunchie.”  While scrunchies may be a fashion faux pas, I didn’t think they were a bogey (golf term ladies) on the course. I was perfectly made up, but my casual look could have been right out of the LPGA handbook.

As I was leaving, my granddaughter looked at me and said, “Are you really going golfing?” When I confirmed, she added, “Tutu, you don’t look like you.”

No kidding. At that precise moment, my husband and son came in from golfing. While they tried their best, both burst out into laughter. 

Undaunted, I headed off to my lesson.

When I told my golf pro instructor that I didn’t know much about golf, he decided to treat me like I had an IQ of 45. Firing questions at me like, “Do I know what a golf club is?” “Do I know the difference between a bunker and the greens?” I was getting rather irritated. Athletic? No. Intelligent? Yes!

A short while into the lesson, the pro tried to persuade me to try putting. I said, “No, I really want to see if I can drive the ball.” (While I know putting is crucial to the game, I wondered how I was going to get to the green if I can’t drive the damn ball.)

For one solid hour, I was forced to learn “technique.” Of course, I never actually was allowed to try to hit the ball. Instead, for 60 incredibly frustrating and hot minutes, I was “swishing” in mid air, never touching the ball or the ground. Swish, Swish, Swish, was all I did! My instructor insisted that before I could hit the ball, I needed “the right form.” Swish, Swish, Swish – Swish, Swish, Swish. All in the air!

Everyone who hears this story says, “He should’ve just let you hit the ball to see what you were doing wrong. He was a horrible instructor.”

I’ve thought about that. I don’t think he was a bad teacher. I think his teaching style and my learning style were misaligned. He’s the Pro. He wanted to make sure that I got the technique down pat. I’m an entrepreneur. I want to get in there and give it my all. Yes, I will learn the basics, but I need to PLAY!

My golf lesson reminds me of UndercoverWear. Some gals want to learn everything about the product, the presentation, etc before they do a show. I’m the type – and have always been – to say, “Ok, give me the basics and let me just do it.” I’ll figure out what I’m doing right or wrong real quickly. Like in UCW, I’m an “earn while you learn” kind of gal.

So many of my lessons in life were realized through UndercoverWear. My golf experience was no different – it reinforced that every good leader must consider the needs of her team and how to train, motivate and inspire that team. 

I’m sure you’re wondering if my golf career is over. Last weekend, my husband and I hosted a dinner party. I was the only non-golfer in the party of eight – in fact, one of the ladies is almost a pro! After lots of eating and drinking, my husband decided to host a midnight putting competition in our living room. Yes, you heard me correctly – in our living room.

Having had enough wine, I joined them. Seven golfers (and I) competed for about 30 minutes in a number of events. Drum Roll please…I beat them all!

Yep. Just show me what to do and let me do it!!

Sexuality Quiz

OK Ladies, let’s find out just how much you know about SEX!  This is one of the little “quizzes” I like to conduct at my shows.  So, let’s see how well you do.

Sex Test 101

1.      What % of the adult female population is able to achieve orgasm solely through breast stimulation?

      a) 1%              b) 5%              c) 10%

2.      Beside genitals and breasts, which other body part routinely swells during intercourse?

      a) The cheeks            b) The gums               c) The nostrils

3.      According to studies there are 9-12 erogenous zones on women, which is reported as the most erogenous zone?

      a) Lips                        b) Inner thighs        c) Nape of the neck

4.      How many sexual positions are there in the original Karma Sutra?

      a) 69               b) 101             c) 64

5.      What percentage of women over the age of 80, still have sexual intercourse with their partner?

      a) 10%                b) 20%                c) 30%

6.      Certain Scents increase blood flow to the penis are lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, and…?

      a) Perfumed products      b) Pumpkin pie c) Vanilla

7.      According to surveys, what is a man’s favorite position?

      a) Doggy style      b) Girl on top             c) Missionary

8.      How long do the average couple engage in sexual foreplay before intercourse?

      a) 45 min                  b) 10 min                  c) 20 min

9.      What percentage of women say they masturbate?

      a) 25%                b) 80%                c) 65%

10.  Over a decade ago, less than 25% of women reported experiencing an orgasm as a result of intercourse. What has that number risen to in recent years?

      a) 45%                b) 72%                c) 30%

BONUS

11.  What percentage of men said they did not enjoy sex their first time?

      a) 24%                b) 14%                c) 31%

12.  What percentage of women said they did not enjoy sex their first time?

      a) 25%                b) 60%                c) 18%

13.  Tantric Sex is:

a) Sex with no foreplay    b) Foreplay with no sex              c) Foreplay and great sex.

 

Results:

1. a
2. c
3. a
4. c
5. c
6. b
7. b
8. c
9. c
10. a
11. b
12. b
13. B