Quest for Holiday Perfection!

Last week, WJJ and I went to a wonderful champagne tasting event with a few of our favorite friends.  It was really wonderful.  There were several bottles of exquisite champagne.  We all savored every drop.  One of my favorite “dinner partners”, Mark, commented that despite all the Holiday activities, I seemed so relaxed.  I said I had just said the same thing to WJJ.  And I assumed it was because we are not going on a cruise in January.  Usually aside from all the hustle and bustle of Christmas, I’m packing MANY boxes to be shipped for our glamorous and long voyage.

I said, “You know Mark, I feel so amazing calm --it’s unbelievable.”  Obviously, it was the champagne talking.  Because that night, I woke up at 2:30 AM and went to the bathroom every 15 minutes.  No I didn’t have a UTI, I had HLA  --Holiday List Anxiety!  Oh the reason, I kept going to my bathroom is because that’s where I keep my “middle of the night idea” notebook.

What was I thinking?  Sure, I had finished most of my Christmas shopping but I have a zillion things to do.  And they all have a deadline.   So following my own advice I did readjust my Top Priorities and took several deep breathes.  I also eliminated a few things -that just weren’t going to get done.

You know someone once told me that I should write a book entitled, “How to run your life like a Business.”  Because evidently that’s what I do.  Frankly it seems to work.   But staying balance while reaching your goals and keeping your sanity, doesn’t just happen.  You have to truly discipline yourself to stay focused.

We also have to abandon our “super woman syndrome.”  Remember the old adage, we can make some of the people happy all of the time or all the people happy some of the times but we can’t make all the people happy all of the times.  All too often we strive for perfection in every aspect of our lives.  And that’s impossible. So we feel like a failure.  And that doesn’t feel good at all.

We lose sight of what is import and what isn’t.  For example, if we are making a Gingerbread House with our children is it really that important how it turns out? Or is the importance the time we spend together as a family?  I learned that lesson many years ago.  For 3 consecutive years, Jamie and I made Gingerbread Houses.  Each year, the result was more beautiful. 

Evidently, the next year, I was rushed and somehow I “messed up” the frosting.  As I tried to attach the cookies -the damn things wouldn’t “stick”. Time after time I tried.  I added more confectionary sugar --still no luck.  Of course Jamie was long gone knowing that I was crossing the threshold of Holiday Insanity, so he went to watch TV with WJJ!  Thank the Lord, it hit me like a ton of bricks --who cares.  I brought Jamie back with Elmer’s Glue in hand.  Laughing hysterically, we glued all the cookies onto the Gingerbread House.  It was one of our best experiences.  Of course we did put a sign “Do Not Eat.”  Truth be known, we almost allowed one of my “not so nice” aunts to actually eat a cookies drenched in glue, but at the last moment my sense of Christmas goodness emerged! 

So stay focused on why Christmas is Christmas.  It’s all about goodness and giving and the spirit of joy. Trust me ladies, we’ll get through this together.

BTW,  several of you have already guessed from a previous blog, I am the Crazy Chick trying to lose 5 pounds before Christmas --but I’m not alone --am I?

Holiday Shopping Tips!

OK  I promised you some simple suggestion to help you keep your sanity in the next three weeks.  Oh perhaps reminding you that Christmas is 21 days away, wasn’t particularly calming.  Oh well sorry, but that is the reality.

During my last blog, I suggested that you better get organized.  Hopefully, you took my advice.  If you did not, then I’m going to have to say it again.  For the busy woman who has lots to accomplish, getting organized is a MUST!

I’m going to guess that Christmas Shopping is on your list.  When it comes to buying gifts, there are 3 essential components: 

1.  Decide how much you want to spend

2. Decide what you want to buy 

3. Determine how much time it will take to find or create the right item.  

In other words: Thought, Time and Money.

So let me explain that further.

Thought --Really thinking about what the person wants.  Sometimes, it has nothing to do with how much money you want to spend.  One year Nancy, our VP of sales  gave me 25 different  and unique cards that I could send out throughout the year.  I loved it!  In turn, the following year, I bought my Mother a plethora of all occasion  cards  so she would have them at her fingertips.  She, too, loved that gift!

Nancy also sends me her date-nut bread every year.  I LOVE it!  (Hopefully Nancy is reading my blog and will get my subtle hint!)

It really makes me laugh when someone says, “What can you buy someone who has everything.”  That’s ridiculous.    I can name 100 things that I love receiving.  And the price ranges start at $3.00.   I’ll bet your saying, “no way.”  Way!  Shall I prove it?

Example:  As most of you know, I love sending notes.  I have to use “the right pen.”

One that I like is a Pilot .  Cost --less than $3.00

So you really have to think about “what would this person really appreciate?” 

Time--As mentioned, some of the best gifts are things that cannot be purchased. 

Before UndercoverWear, I gave WJJ a “Fantasy Fishbowl” for Christmas.  I put 52 different “fantasies” --some sensual --others not.  I won’t go into the Sensual ones, but the others were things like, “I’ll say I’m sorry --even if I’m not.”  And, “ I’ll watch a John Wayne movie with you without complaining.”  Anyway, that was one of his best gifts. 

When we were first married because we could not afford to spend money, I decided to make all the Christmas gifts.  In fact I, who cannot sew a stitch, bought a sewing machine and made WJJ a velvet smoking jacket. Of course no one told me that with velvet you have to “watch the knap”, so one sleeve had the velvet going the wrong way. However, believe it or not,  he still has that jacket.  If you’re saying, “But you bought a sewing machine,” let me tell you I also made the curtains, made the throw pillow, and even made Jamie’s little Easter Outfit-- a brown one piece “little boy” jumpsuit with a white jacket.  I have the photos to prove it.  Maybe on Jamie’s 40^th birthday I’ll do a special blog where I show all these embarrassing pictures of him!

 So, think about those on your list.  If you’re “buying” for a Mother of 3 young ones, I’m gonna guess volunteering to babysit for an afternoon would be worth a zillion $$$ to her.   When you’re giving “gifts from the heart”, often it takes time.  And we all know that time is a precious commodity.  So you are giving the most valuable gift of all.

Money--This is easy.  Money can buy great gifts.  However, when those credit cards come in --not quite so pleasant.  Always decide exactly what your budget is.  And don’t overspend!  Stick to the budget.  Although, I always disliked giving gift cards, it seems everybody loves them.  So if your budget is $25.00 then give a $25.00 gift card.  And as you probably know, at many places you can set your own dollar amount -even $5.00 (like Starbucks).  As an FYI, when you’re purchasing a Visa or Amex gift card, you do have to pay 3%. Extra.  So you might want to consider simply giving a check. 

If you have a higher budget for a special friend or relative, still get creative.  Several years ago,   I gave Jamie and Cheryl, my sisters and a couple of close friends  six different wines. The prices ranged from $10.00 up to $50.00 a bottle.  I made a list of each wine with the price.  Then , I removed all labels and simply marked the bottles numbered 1 - 6.  The recipients had to drink the wine and then tell me which wine they thought they were drinking.  My sisters and friends loved the “game”, Jamie said, “Only my mother would take the fun out of drinking.”  Oh well.  I still love idea.

Another great gift idea -which is easy --Omaha Steaks. They have GREAT deals. Look in your Sunday paper and/or online at www.omahasteaks.com.  The Omaha Reserved Steaks are incredible!

If you’re thinking about creating “gift baskets” --especially UndercoverWear spa baskets --that’s a great idea.  But when assessing your budget, if you’re shipping the item --add that cost to your budget.  Here in Hawaii, shipping is very costly.

Another gift idea that most people love is “monogrammed anything”.  I often do “bath baskets” with UCW items and monogrammed towels + of course our “It’s a Wrap”.  Instead of ordering the towel monogrammed which can be expensive, we’ve found a fellow who does monogramming quickly and quite reasonably.

So let’s recap: 

Get Organized

Make Your Christmas Shopping List 

Go through each person think about what THEY would truly appreciate.

Decided what you can afford to spend and then get creative!

Make this Christmas Shopping a fun experience not a chore!

Take that Stress off your Plate

As we get closer and closer to Christmas, I’m hearing , “Oh my gosh, I’m so stressed.

I have way too much on my plate!”  OK ladies think about that.  Life is like a buffet line.  If there’s too much on your plate, you put it there.

I have the feeling you are now screaming at me.  “What?  Are you nuts?” That’s my life.  I have a lot to do.  I have a shocker for you.  Everybody has lot to do. --Well at least every woman I know has a lot to do.  I can’t make this sexist, but I recently called my sisters after experiencing a very hectic day (while WJJ was golfing) and said, “Next time, I’m coming back as a Gay Guy”.  I can still be feminine when I want to, have a gorgeous hunky boyfriend and not do all this “wife-mother-social director-chef-business woman” stuff

Anyway, let’s get back to what’s on your plate during the Holiday Season.  Over the last week here are some examples of what’ I’ve heard.

Mary:  I really need to wallpaper the guest room, Dave’s parents are coming for the Holidays.

Holly: Billy’s school is having a bake sale, so I have to spend the day making Christmas cupcakes.

Terri: I haven’t really eaten in 3 days because I’m trying to loose 5 pounds before Christmas.

Nora: I bought some hair color stuff at CVS, because I don’t have time to go to the hairdresser and get my roots done.

Shelly: I’m going to make all the food myself for our Christmas Party --I want it to be really special.

Carol: I have absolutely no time to even think about my “Christmas letter and cards” but I have to send them. People are so eager to read what’s happened to me this year -and it’s not pleasant.

Sally: I want to start an exercise program before the holidays.

All these Ladies are officially welcome to my “Crazy Club”.  Are they  crazy?

Mary:  You’ve been married to Dave for 15 years.  You never got along with Dave’s Mother.  New wallpaper isn’t going to change that.  Take it off your plate

Holly:  Buy plain cupcakes (cheaper) buy some small Christmas decoration or red “sprinkles” take 5 minutes to make them look like Christmas,  put them on one of your fancy dishes and swear you made them.  Take it off your plate.

Terri: Good plan --not eating, and drinking only coffee and diet coke. That will calm you down.  Not enough stress going --add that.  My advice--go eat a donut (not chocolate) and take it off your plate.

Nora:  So when you screw up your hair and have to spend hours having it fixed - or worse, look horrid for the holiday, how are you going to feel?  You know what?  I think you can fit in a couple of hours for YOU!  Book that hair appointment now and Take it off your plate.

Shelly:  Go to Costco or BJ’s and go food shopping.  Then stop at the “beverage department” and get some good wine.   The food will be great and after a couple of glasses of wine, it will taste even better.  Trust me, everyone will love your party.  Take it off your Plate

Carol:  If you haven’t even started thinking about Christmas cards --don’t !  Instead wait and send everyone a New Year’s card .  And while I understand that you have experienced  an incredibly miserable year --those of us close to you have been feeling and listening to  your pain for 52 weeks.  Yes, we can give you every detail about your now ex-husband and his big boob blond girlfriend who is 23 years younger than him or you.  Trust me we don’t need to read about it.  And do you really want to share all your “bad news” to others over the holiday season?  Nope, it will only depress you more.  So send a cheery Happy New Year’s Card the week AFTER Christmas so you can Take it Off your Plate.

Sally:  If you haven’t exercised in the last 49 weeks, do you think that perhaps you might want to wait until after the New Year?  Put it on your 2011 Goal Sheet and for now - Take It Off Your Plate.

Ok now that I am lecturing everyone, truth be known, the names I have given you are false --to protect “the guilty.”  And ladies, I am President of the “Are you Crazy Club” because I am one of these ladies.  Not telling you which one --but I bet you can guess?

So for the first time ever, I don’t want to invite you to join my club.  Instead, take a deep breath and decide what you can “Take Off Your Plate.”

Holiday Stress Test!

On a yearly basis, we as woman undergo a series of tests.  We test our eyesight, our hearing and we even have the dreaded mammogram and Pap smear.  All of these tests are designed to determine if we are A - OK.

But do you know that each and every year, we  undergo a crucial test to measure our mental stability?  I’ll bet you’re thinking, “I don’t remember taking a mental stability test.”  Ok think again.

This test takes place each and every year starting the week before Thanksgiving and ending the week after New Year’s Eve.  It’s called the Holiday Insanity Test.  This is the ultimate test to see if we are capable of maintaining our sanity against all odds.

The Holiday Season is supposed to be filled with joy and happiness.  But we all know, it can be incredibly busy, emotional and stressful.   But we’re supposed to be singing “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”?  Boy the dichotomy is obvious.

We started saying things like, “I’m tired, I’m irritable and have so much to do.”  As the days progress it’s “I’m not going to get everything done before Christmas.”  Then we start getting personal.  “My husband does nothing, the kids want everything and my boss is a pain where I sit.”  You know you’re ready to crack when you finally say,  “I hate the Holiday Season.”

Do you really want to be Halloween Hilda’s Wicked Whiny Witch or Scrooges Ba Hum Bug Bitch? No no, nay nay.

You really can turn this Season of Stress into Holiday Happiness.   The solution is simple.  Try the 3 V diet.  Vitamins, vodka and valium.   OK I’m really just joking.  Can’t mix vodka and valium – so take your choice. 

In all seriousness, if you want the Holiday season to be easy then all you have to do is GO  GO  GO!!  No, I don’t mean start running around shopping, I mean GO --GET Organized.  No, I can already hear you saying, “I don’t have time to get organized.”

Trust me you can’t afford NOT to get organized.  Remember in every situation, success is 90% preparation and 10% execution.  In the next few days I’ll start giving  you some  EZ organizational tips to allow you to enjoy the Holiday Season.

So get your paper and pencils or computers ready and put aside a couple of hours to begin the process.  Yes, you actually have to allocate that time to get organized--that is your first step!  And start your thinking process with the following:

What are the most important things I want and/or need to do for this Holiday Season?  Your list can include things like:

Christmas Shopping

Christmas Cards

Christmas Party

Home Improvement for the Holidays

Decorate House

Christmas Eve

Christmas Day

Fluff and Buff

Family Fun

New Year’s Eve

New Year’s Day

Romance Time (Don’t laugh)

Personal Fun (Don’t laugh again)

Botox

Charity Work

Church

Baking

Once the list is completed, congratulate yourself --you now have your Holiday Sanity Goal Sheet!  And we’re off!!!!



Best Customer Ever!

For some reason I started thinking about how UndercoverWear first began and how many shows I did.  As you may know, I started doing parties and then a Boston Herald reporter decided to do an article on the concept of bringing “naughty nighties” into Middle America’s living rooms.  It was a two-page full color article.  Needless to say, our phone was ringing constantly. Everyone wanted to have a party.

For the first few weeks after the article appeared, I never knew where I was going or what type of environment I would be in.  I did shows in split-level suburban homes as well as 3 tenement inner city homes and everything in between.  I did shows in perfectly neat and organized homes to shows where if the hostess offered me a glass of water, I politely declined.  I ran the gamut in every direction.   Back then there was no GPS.   So, I simply got in my car and drove--often times getting lost, but finally reaching my destination.

One of my parties was booked at Harbor Towers in Boston which is a high rise condominium complex right on the Boston Waterfront.  I knew this was going to be a very nice place and hopefully a great party. The hostesses name was Samantha* and I determined she was approximately my age (which was 28). She told me she would have about 10 of her friends and that I should be there about 6:30.  She was incredibly sweet pleasant over the phone.   She also mentioned that I should simply park my car and let the doorman know I was going to her home and that the doorman and her husband would bring in my lingerie etc.

That was the plan and I followed it.  When the doorman let me in, I was surprised to find out that Samantha lived in the Penthouse.  I went upstairs and Samantha greeted me as warmly as I had expected.  Her husband Todd* was equally friendly and ironically was Polish (like my husband) so we instantly had a great  rapoire. Samantha was delightful, bright, beautiful and articulate.  Her husband was much more basic but very nice.  Based on the fact that their apartment was gorgeous and there was a butler serving champagne and caviar (which by the way I had never tasted in my life), it was easy to see that this couple was doing quite well financially.

Samantha’s friends were equally delightfully and the show was wonderful.  Nine gals were there and each bought about $100.  So my show was close to $1000!  Think back –it was 1977—that was a fabulous SHOW!

After more champagne, caviar, shrimp and a plethora of other fantastic food and desserts, the attendees started to leave.  I, too, was ready to go home, but Samantha and Todd kept saying that one more guest was expected.  By this time, I really wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to “insult” my gracious host and hostess. 

At about 10:30 the doorman announced that Brian* was on his way up.  Obviously, Brian was a close friend because the doorman just let him in.

Brian arrived with his date—a gorgeous young 21 year old blond.

After the introductions, Brian said to me,  “Tiffany take Jessica in and let her try anything she wants –and Jessica show me how you look in it.”  For the next hour and a half Jessica tried just about every piece of lingerie I had available in her size. Of course she looked gorgeous in just about everything. But I was getting rather tired and wanted to leave.  Plus neither Brian or Jessica had chosen one item yet to buy.  If time is money, my money was being spent quickly. 

As the butler opened yet another bottle of champagne, Brian finally said to Jessica, “So what do you want”  Jessica answered, “Whatever you want to buy me”.  I really wanted to say, “Just make a decision so I can go home”

Brian started, “OK well put this aside and this aside and this aside etc.”   He had about 25 pieces ranging from corselettes to long gowns to peignoir sets to bras and garter belts to short baby dolls.  Now I figure we had to go through the elimination process. I was going to be there all night.

Finally after all the “maybes” were put together, Brian said, “Tiffany, how much?”  I replied, “I’m sorry which pieces?”  He said “All that I’ve  chosen.”

I said, “Everything?”  He said, “Yes of course.  But I want a 10% discount.”  Well that was certainly a no brainier.

Brian spent over $2,000 and proceeded to hand me 20 $100 bills.  He then gave me another $200 for being so nice!  I got his 10% discount! Hooray!

So my show was over $3,000 and I had a perfectly delightful time and made lots of $$$ Plus I got to meet Samantha and Todd and Brian and Jessica. It was a great night.

Postscript:  I got to see Brian and Todd again.  Unfortunately it was on the news.  Todd was convicted on selling “junk bonds” and Brian was convicted on mob crimes.  I later found out Brian was Head of the Boston Mafia.  Oh well, I am an equal opportunity lingerie salesperson.  Thank you Brian and Todd! (And just to be safe….I’ve changed ALL the names in this story!!!)

 Post-Postscript.  I believed my Harbor Tower adventure was gone forever.   However, I was wrong.  After college, while working at another company that obviously paid him well,  my son Jamie lived at the opposite Harbor Tower in the penthouse.  While I didn’t visit him often, I should tell you about the time that I inadvertently broke into his apartment (thanks to the Security Guard) thinking he was sleeping ---alone --and as you guessed it --he wasn’t!  Ahh another Tiffany/Harbor Tower story.   Perhaps Jamie would much rather share that one with you.  All I can say is like Brian and Todd, I proclaim my innocence!!!!!





Self-Confidence is a WONDERFUL Thing!



Last night WJJ and I attended the Opera Ball.  Most charity events in Honolulu have the same format.  Most often they’re Black Tie and it’s held at the Sheraton ballroom.  You arrive at 6:00PM and upon entering you receive a glass of champagne and then you walk around the reception area perusing the “silent auction items.”  Last night was quite typical.

I wore a black Escada gown and I was incredibly thankful that it fit perfectly and my hair came up nicely.  By the way, I do my own hair for all functions.  I will tell you that often times, my hair seems to look fabulous when WJJ and I are simply staying home.  And when we are going to a gala, it never seems to come out right.  I probably spend way too much time “fluffing and buffing.”  The good news was, last night everything seemed to fall into place.

Once we had our champagne in hand, I seemed to get something in my eye.  When you wear contact lenses and cannot see 5 inches in front of you with them, this could spell catastrophe.  I quickly excused myself to the Ladies Room to “check out” the contact.

Fortunately, after a few blinks, everything was OK.  But I did notice that throughout my “blinking session” there was a thirty-something gal standing next to me fumbling with the back of her dress.  She was wearing a print long “gown” and had also had a non-descript sweater over it.  After watching her for several minutes, I asked, “Do you need any help?”

She very quietly said that she was trying to adjust her gown.   She continued, “My friend just told me I’m falling out of my dress.”  By the way, even if she did “fall out”, there wasn’t much to see.  Plus what kind of friend would say that at a black tie event and not volunteer to help?

She explained what she was trying to do.  Of course, I took over.  I needed a pin (which she had with her) and an elastic (which she had on her long ponytail).  In about 2 minutes, I adjusted the dress to her liking.  I was just about ready to walk away--but I couldn’t. I was not going to leave her in that dowdy sweater.

So, I paused, then stopped and then continued    I took the sweater and tied it up towards one side creating a very  fashion forward asymmetrical tie.  I then took her hair and put in to the other side.   A tad bit of blush and she looked fabulous!  She repeatedly kept softly thanking me.  Finally she said, “My husband will be thrilled.”

Ya think it was her husband who made the comments?

Anyway, this event had 1,000 people.  I went to find WJJ and as luck would have it, there was my new friend “Neely” standing with WJJ and a very dear friend of ours.  Neely introduced me to her husband --a very attractive fellow who is involved with the arts.  Neely was grinning with a great deal of self confidence.   I was tickled beyond words.

No, I didn’t try to recruit her.  No, I didn’t try to book a party.  Every so even I just do things because it’s nice.  Period.   End of statement.  You know what?  Regardless of my major accomplishments in life, last night made me realize that sometimes it’s the simple joys in life that make us feel good.  And Neely’s new confidence was my simple joy.



I am "Normal"

WJJ and I have an arrangement.  He does the Costco shopping and I do the Safeway Shopping.  For the record, I am the Queen of Safeway.  I go there once a week with Safeway card and coupons in hand.  I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I actually have a “master list” of groceries which is 3 pages long.  So rather than have to write down what I need, I merely check it off.

I hadn’t been to Safeway in a couple of weeks so my list was fairly lengthy.  I happen to absolutely love their “Refreshe” sparkling water.  Seriously, if there is a Safeway near you, please get some. My favorite two flavors are Wild Cherry and Orange Cream.  There are no calories, no carbs and it’s naturally flavored.  You absolutely have to try it!

Anyway aside from my list, Safeway had lots of great sales going on.  One in particular was timely.  When you spent $50.00 or more you could buy a 16-19 pound turkey (while supplies last) for only $3.99.  That’s for the entire turkey.  At 16 pounds that $.25 a pound.  They also featured 20 - 24 pound turkey for $4.99 which is $.23 a pound.   This was a no brainer.   As they say, the bigger the better.

So I did all my grocery shopping and waited till the last minute to find my turkey. 

There was a really large freezer with turkey upon turkey.  All the turkeys on top were 20 pounds.  Now you might think that that would be fine.  Oh no, not for me.  I was hell bent on finding the biggest turkey in the freezer.  20 pounds --nope  21 pounds --nope.  I kept searching.  Success at last! I found a turkey that weighed 23.99 pounds.

And that bird was heavy. But I am confident I got the biggest one that had.  So I only paid $.20 a pound. 

As I was boasting about my victory, a friend (or should I say acquaintance) said, “Oh I can’t believe that you actually went to Safeway and rummaged for a turkey.  Not you, you’re Tiffany James.”  And? Well I couldn’t stop myself so my rather cryptic sense of humor decided to display itself in full force.

I answered, “Oh you’re right.  I was just fibbing.  I actually brought a staff with me --a chauffer, a chef, and three assistants --one to push the cart, one to grab the groceries and one to fan me to keep me cool.

“ Yes”, I continued, “if you’ve been on the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, you must always act like a  Rich and Famous.”

You know what she said?  “I knew you were joking about Safeway.”  

Seriously, do some people not get it.  I really enjoy some of the luxuries that I can afford.  I feel blessed that through hard work, perseverance and a vision, that I have been able to create a lifestyle that is really wonderful.  And I feel even more grateful, that UCW has done so for thousands of families.

I may not be “normal” in a lot of ways, but when it comes to basic living, WJJ and I are about as normal as you can find.  While mediocrity is unacceptable to me --normalcy is quite appealing.

So don’t call me beige, don’t call me average--but please, call me normal.

TJ



Absolutely....Perfect.

Women of all ages seem to want the exact same things. They want to be happy and content while still achieving specific goals.  They want to have a wonderful relationship, plenty of money, great kids, a good job, and lots of supportive friends and family.

They also want to possess certain intrinsic qualities like faith, love and compassion.  They want to maintain a sense of fun and humor. (Kinda like a cross between Mother Theresa and Ellen DeGeneres.)

They want to look young and fabulous, feel great and be thin.  They want to be in control of their life, make independent decisions and yet maintain the grace, elegance and sensuality of being a woman.

In other words, they “Want It All”. 

Well, sorry.  That’s not going to happen.   There is no such thing as the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect woman or the perfect man (though WJJ would debate that.  He really does think he’s perfect.)

You can create the life that you want and deserve.  But first get rid of all those preconceived notions about Perfection.  Dig deep down and unleash all your secret weapons for success.   You will discover that there is a great POWER in YOU to become the best of the best!  And while you not have “the perfect life”, you will enjoy the journey and most importantly you will enjoy “Just being YOU!”



Weekend Notes

This was a great weekend.  The Patriots won big time.  (Sorry Steelers fans…not really).  The Broncos won  -Hooray!  (I don’t think I know any Kansas City fans.  Interesting.)

WJJ and I had a great Saturday evening with friends.  Lots of delicious Italian food and wine.   And most importantly, my dear friend Yvonne came  through major surgery with flying colors!   

When someone you love is experiencing serious health problems it reinforces my philosophy.   When facing a challenge - there are only two points to consider.  If it’s not life or death - it’s everything else.  Of course you can then break down your challenges into “major inconvenience” and “minor inconvenience”.   Major inconveniences might include - God forbid - breaking a leg.  Minor inconveniences are things like losing your wallet.   Something like “running out of gas” is not an inconvenience --it is “bad planning”.

Anyway, several people in my “inner circle” are experiencing life and death situations.  But as I shared with my good friend Avis when she found out she had breast cancer, you cannot give cancer or illness even more control over your life.

I realize that takes a whole lot of inner strength. But you know what, every day that you don’t shed a tear, you should - no erase that  - you must rejoice.

So all things considered, it was a fabulous weekend!!! And tonight it’s a wine tasting event (for charity) and tomorrow my Executive Assistant Gina and I are going out for dinner.  And Saturday evening it is another charity event for the Opera Company.

It will certainly be a fun and fattening week!

 (By the way, do you know that the French do not have a word for “fun”.  They think it is too immature and childlike. )

Oh well, C’est la vie!

My Art Class

I must be on a  roll. A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend Linda convinced me to take art lessons.  She had been going for 2 weeks and said it was fun.  I shared with Linda that I have never  painted in my life.  She said,  “No worries.  I’m a beginner too.” So I said “Sure, sounds like fun.”

Unlike golf, I really felt I would enjoy this.  Of course, I did have to make an investment in my materials. You can’t rent art supplies.  I needed to find out the medium + discovered I was taking watercolors.  The little I know about painting, I do know watercolors are the most difficult. They are unforgiving.  You can’t really paint over it-where as in oils you can.

I was fine with that --after all, we were all beginners.

OH NO, WE WEREN’T!!!  As I arrived, I noted that the other 12 students were putting their work on display at the beginning of class.  My God, some of the work by the students looked like masterpieces.  Monet and Cezanne had nothing on them.

By now, you probably guessed that this was not a beginners’ class.  Nope.  Advanced watercolors.  Some of the students had been taking classes for 10 years. You think I was in over my head?  You betcha.

So everyone was lovely and gracious and welcoming.  The Professor complimented every painting, pointing out the strength of the “artist”.  He then gave us an assignment.  We were to paint some sort of display with books on it.  Now, that might sound easy to you, but my worst subject in all my years of school was geometry.  And when painting anything with angles, you’ve got to understand all that stuff.  Great.

I toiled for days.  I threw two paintings away. Finally, I got one that wasn’t disastrous.  There was only one part of it that I didn’t like.  Well after having a vodka martini, I decided to touch it up.  Bad idea.  Totally ruined the painting. Dumb as a rock.

So the next day (one day before class), I started again. I went to class and put my 1^st grade masterpiece amongst the Renoirs.  While the Professor and the other students were kind and polite about my work (you know nice colors -great first effort), I was not a happy camper.

I am an achiever.  I am never at the bottom of the class. How was I supposed to be good at this when I didn’t have clue what I was doing.   I didn’t have the basics down pat. And because of UndercoverWear, I certainly know the importance of those basics.

Well I almost quit the class.  I had to do a lot of soul searching about why I would want to leave.  I decided it was 90% ego and 10 % disappointment.  I didn’t like not being the best.  And unfortunately I don’t have the basic skills to become the best.

But I really do like the Professor and the other students. What is my solution?

I am staying with the course or on course.  I have purchased several watercolor books.  I am painting often and trying to be “self taught” and finally, I bring great pastries to class each week. I jokingly said to everyone, “if I can’t paint, then I’ll be a great hostess.”  They responded, “Oh you’re so nice and you are by far the best dressed student we have ever had.”  “Hostess with the Mostest, Best Dressed, --I’ll take it --for now.

Tj



The Book of Questions....

Hope everyone had a great weekend!  We spent it with a number of friends around the island at various dinners and parties and WJJ and I had a great time.  I think it is really important for couples to continually reconnect.  And I don’t mean just sexually - while that’s important as well.  Many years ago someone shared the following, “you can have a rotten marriage and great sex, but you can’t have a great marriage and rotten sex.”   Don’t really know if I agree.  Obviously, I haven’t had rotten sex.  Thank you UCW!

I remember having a very heated debate with my girlfriend Lori.  She had “the Book of Questions”.  Now this back is designed to have discussions --there are no right or wrong answers.  So the question was, “If you could have just one thing in your relationship --not both --would it be friendship or passion?”  Lori answered “Friendship”. I answered, “Passion”.  We fought over that for years.  Then she found a young hot guy and changed her mind.  Tj was right again! 

By the way, WJJ hates that book.  You know, other questions are things like,  “Would you rather receive $100,000 for you or receive $1 Million for charity?”  Another question would be “Would you want to know in advance when you were going to die?” 

So one night several months ago, we had company and I said to everyone, “Let’s get out the Book of Questions!”  WJJ looked at me and said, “No not right now.”  I said, “Well, when can we play?”  Without skipping a beat, he said, “When they write the Book of Answers.”  He is so weird.

So, when I want to chat about those controversial, heart-warming, mind-challenging hypothesis of life, I call my sisters, my girlfriends or my gay-guy friends not WJJ.    See?  Life can be simple.





Success!

I recently found a whole lot of my writing folders.  I think I have spent half my life documenting my thoughts and feelings.  I also found some very old poems I wrote.

Thought I would share one of my favorites

Success

The definition of success refers to fame and glory.

But oh my friends I know it’s wrong –that’s surely not the story

For one, success might be a life that’s filled with joy

For someone else success might be the birth of her baby boy

And for another it just might be the blanket that she knit

Or something much more simple, like the candle that she lit.

No, success cannot be measured by your money or your fame

For we are fools if we don’t know, It’s how you play the game.

Success is really personal - it’s one’s own sense of pride

Or knowing life was challenging, but at least you know you tried

And at the end of every day when all is said and done.

The most important thing to say, “Oh boy has this been fun.!”

How to add some "Bedroom Magic"

As the cold weather arrives across North America – we’re all getting ready to spend more time indoors.  So, if we have to be stuck indoors, we might as well make it fun!  So let’s start decorating your bedroom to ensure that it is “Romance Friendly” and compatible to both of you.

The very first thing we want to do is look at the colors in your bedroom

 

Try to use only “man friendly” colors like Deep Green, Gold, Brown, Black, Burgundy, Navy or even plain old dark beige.  Stay away from any prints on your bedspread.  Once you’ve got the basic color, you can add your pretty pastels and prints via throw pillows, draperies and even accent pieces.  If your bedspread is plain Burgundy, then you can add some pink throw pillows as well floral pink, green and burgundy floral patterned ones as well.

I don’t think most women want mirrors on the ceiling, but if the room permits you may want to have a large mirrored wall behind the bed.  It will certainly make him happy, but it will also make your room look larger.  No, it won’t make him look larger but it will help the room. If the room is not conducive to a mirrored wall, make sure you get a full length standing mirror. When company visits, it will appear to be a decorative. Plus it will be useful to use when dressing.   Truth be known, you’ll later discover just how important it is when making love.

If you love candles- put them on display.  Get the large bulky candles in any color you wish.  You can live dangerously and even get pastel pink, green or blue.  But make it bulky –remember it’s bedroom trickery.  Again, you are combining masculinity, sensuality and femininity. Make sure you keep an UndercoverWear Soy Candle close to the bed.  That’s not about decoration, that’s about pleasure.

Make sure the bedroom is clean and neat.  This is more for YOUR benefit than his. For some reason, your sense of romance turns off quite quickly when you are looking at his pile of dirty clothes with his underwear and socks on top.

Now let’s go over some some basic “do’s and don’ts for decorating the Bedroom:

Don’t have your collection of “Precious Moments” or figurines on display. Way too cute and sweet.  If you’re going to collect something, try things like miniature high heels or “sexy” perfume bottles.  Most men will not mind that display.

Do display a great “couple” photo of the two of you.  Make sure he looks especially handsome. And don’t put the wedding photo in plain sight of the bed.  In fact, you should probably keep it out of the bedroom completely.  You don’t need to see the two of you 20 years younger and 20 pounds thinner.

Do have a nice chair or valet stand for him to place his clothes.  If you don’t know what a valet stand –it is a “manly” piece of furniture that will allow him to hang his shirt and pants in a convenient way. 

Do have a radio or CD player near the bed and put on romantic sexy music.

Do get a set of sheets with matching pillowcases and have them monogrammed.  This is a really inexpensive way to make the bed “feel” special.  Use the initial of your married last name as the center with the first name initials on either side   This reinforces HIS ego.  Amazing how much thought has to go into this, isn’t it?  Or if you prefer, you can monogram your first names on the pillowcase.  That’s just plain old cute.

Do buy some unusual sexy HOT fabrics. Consider red, purple, hot pink, or any animal print.  (No, they don’t have to actually match the bedroom décor. And you don’t have to hem them.  You will only use them for your Bedroom Magic Nights.)  I assure you, Martha Stewart will not be conducting a “spot check” on your bedroom that evening. 

Do make sure your fabrics are machine washable so you can use them again.  (Okay that’s the practical, thrifty side of me.)

Don’t keep your personal things like hairbrushes, combs etc in the bedroom.

Don’t keep family photos in the bedroom. When he’s on top of you making mad passionate love, and he looks down, he doesn’t want to see the kids, the grandkids, or even worse a photo of your parents staring at him.

Don’t put the TV on during your nights of romance.  In fact if at all possible, don’t even have a TV in the bedroom.  We always had a TV in the bedroom until recently. Guess what, we actually tend to “talk” a bit before going to sleep.  Talking not watching TV, now there’s a novel idea.   By the way, the same thing goes for your computer.  All of those are my favorites “technology taboo’s” in the bedroom.

 If your bedroom screams out “Victorian” and your man hasn’t complained, then for the time being leave it that way. But, go to a fabric store and buy those  unusual HOT fabrics to create a more sensuous environment. 

While your splurging on sexy bedroom accessories, think about a sexy rug.  You know the same colors as your HOT fabrics.  The good thing about a rug is you can roll it up and put in away when company arrives.  Again, this is not meant as a decorative accessory –this is only for your Bedroom Magic nights.

So those are some of the basic Do’s and Don’ts.  If you’re now saying, “Do I have to completely change my bedroom?   I don’t have the time or money or inclination to do so.”  Stop right now. This is not supposed to be a chore.  These are simply steps to help your relationship and equally important -your sex life.

The bottom line to all of this is, when it comes to decorating the bedroom, this is not the time to sing, “ I did it my way”.    Think compatibility.   While your husband may very well be oblivious to the current décor in your bedroom, let me tell you when that leopard fabric suddenly appears on the bed and the kids photos are gone and the computer has been removed, he will get the message that your bedroom is no longer just another boring room.  It will take on a whole new personality of it’s own.  And that personality includes fun, passion and excitement .