Insecurity

This morning, I left the house really early to run to CVS to pick up a prescription.  My hair was in a ponytail and I was wearing my workout clothes.  I did have eyeliner and lipstick on, but trust I didn’t look like a Vogue model.  As I was running into McDonalds for a diet coke, I saw one of my “skinny bitch --blonde acquaintances. ” As always, she looked gorgeous.  Now keep in mind, she is not a friend, but an acquaintance. So rather than pause and say “hello”, I simply pretended I didn’t see her. Yes, it was my insecurity.

Would you believe that every single woman I know has some sort of insecurity?

It doesn’t seem to matter whether they are rich or poor, tall or short, thin or plus size.  It doesn’t matter what they have accomplished in their lives or how smart they are. Depending on the day, or time, or situation, our insecurities can, and will take over any sense of self. 

Personally, I think we should blame our Mothers.

As we were growing up, no matter how great we thought we looked or what we achieved, our Mothers told us differently. 

For example…

“Tiffany you look really nice tonight, but you’re blush is way too red.”

Or,

“Tiffany that dress looks horrible on you.”

Or the half-hearted compliment… “Oh Tiffany congratulations you made the honor role.  Didn’t Marilyn make High Honors?”

Marilyn was of course, my best friend who was beautiful, talented, smart and head Cheerleader. My sister Kris’s favorite story was when my Mother was chatting with Ralph Lauren and she said to my sister, “I would have introduced you, but you were wearing your glasses today.” Yes, in our house we were expected to be “pretty”, smart and accomplished. 

I don’t think my Mother was any different that yours. While she absolutely loved me and believed in me – she always pointed out “how I could be just a little bit better.” Based on my achievements, I guess it worked, but let me tell you - even though I have accomplished MUCH in my life, that insecurity demon can pop her nasty head when I least expect it.

Many years ago when my husband and I bought our first home in Hawaii – I met Patsy.  Patsy was married to Chris, a hotel developer, and they were our next-door neighbors, they looked like a couple straight out of the movies. Beautiful, rich, talented – everything one could envision. 

We were invited to their home one evening for dinner.  Their house was magnificent –27,000 square feet of living space. The dining room sat 16 people. The other guests were equally stunning, and the guests of honor were none other than, President Carter and his first lady.

Based on the fact that we had just purchased the house next door, Patsy knew that obviously, we had achieved some financial success. She asked me, “So what does your HUSBAND do?” I answered, “WE own a lingerie company.”

With every bit of disdain, she could muster, she said, “You mean –you WORK, you actually WORK for a living?”  She continued, “No woman on Kahala Avenue actually works.”

Let me tell you, by that time I was in my early 30’s, UndercoverWear had sales of over 50 Million, I was young, thin, attractive and successful but at that moment I felt like the overweight, chubby, insecure Italian meatball I was in my high school. 

That darn insecurity demon!

Well that was when I recognized therapy might be a good thing. Well actually, when my husband saw my insecurity he told me, “You’re nuts, and you definitely need help.”

Yes, my husband has a way with words.

My life with Patsy took some very funny turns. Which I’ll tell you more about later, we ultimately bought their BIG fancy house.

If my story hasn’t convinced you that everyone has a degree of  insecurity, then how about Sally Fields?

When she won her Academy Award, she was chastised when she very emotionally said, “You like me, you really like me.” The media was all over her. 

Must have been Male media. They just don’t understand.  

Their Mothers always told them how great they were. And they believed it. Yes, Mother’s of men (and I am one) convince our little boys, that they are perfect and then once they believe they are perfect, we hand them over to a wife.  Somehow she doesn’t quite see them as Perfection - except my daughter in law Cheryl, who knows my son, Jamie, IS PERFECT.  Right Cheryl?

So Ladies, insecurities are a part of our life. And while it might be painful for a moment or two, in some ways, I guess it keeps us grounded. But please don’t ever allow anyone, or anything; diminish your feeling of who you are, or what you can achieve!  No one can make you feel insecure. Only YOU can do that.  So together let’s banish the insecurity demon from ourselves and let’s set a different stage for women in the future!