I am a Size 8!

Some of you may have missed my earlier blogs, this one is one of my own personal favorites.  It’s all about “weight” and my continuing issues with “the scale”

Did you know that all rich women are significantly smaller than poor women? 

No, seriously, it’s true. 

For those of you that are now sure I am either, wacky or an elitist, let me verify that statement.

I was shopping at Escada last week (high-ticket designer). I bought a fabulous little black dress size 38, which equates to a size 8.  I was so excited to be in a Size 8, I wanted to wear the dress tag on the outside!

Size 8 Size 8 Size 8!  I wanted the world to know!

Just as my sense of ego was mounting to an all time high, our once a week housekeeper, Alma, brought me in one of her favorite catalogues.  She was sure I would just love the new fall clothes, so I perused the catalogue. I saw the most adorable dresses and sweaters. She was right!

I was just about to order a few when I realized that the only sizes offered were size 1X – 5 X. Wait a minute, why on earth would she give me a catalogue with plus sizes?! I’m a size 8! That makes me almost petite!

Being totally confused, and frankly afraid of the answer, I never did ask Alma why she gave me the catalogue. I decided she just didn’t realize the size range.

The next day, I met a friend for martinis. We hadn’t visited in about six months, she told me I looked great, and how much she had missed me.  Phew! OK I’m feeling good again.

She then asked me three times, “So how much weight have you lost?” 

“None” I responded.

“No really you must have lost at least 10 – 15 pounds!”

Again, I said, “No I haven’t lost a pound. In fact I’ve gained five pounds.”

“No!” She persisted, “you must have lost weight, and you look great.”

Now I was getting annoyed.   

I wanted to say, “OK, so when I saw you last time, did I look like a tuba-luba?”  Understand, seriously, I haven’t LOST weight.  I’ve gained weight, but remember based on my new Escada dress I am a SIZE 8! 

As I pondered this, I remembered my Mexico story several years ago. WJJ and I arrived a couple of days early for an UndercoverWear incentive trip.  We left Hawaii in January, and flew to Jacksonville, Florida for the Super Bowl. Instead of packing clothes for all the different weather, I decided to ship my clothes straight to Mexico.

As you probably guessed, my clothes got “stuck” in Customs.  All my new bathing suits, short sets, dresses, all of it, stuck! Yes, they were in Mexico, but not in my closet.

It was Friday, I was assured by customs that I would have my boxes on Monday. That would have been fine, but I really did need a few things for the weekend. I had no intention of going to any of the “better stores”.  After all, my brand new beautiful designer clothes would arrive on Monday.  

So WJJ and I went shopping across the street from the hotel. Where you ask, Wal-Mart, of course. Surely I could pick up some cute shorts, tops and a bathing suit or two.

This was gong to be a breeze! Little tiny me --shopping for clothes. I was pleasantly surprised at some of the cute styles. I was about to take several pairs of shorts in the dressing room, when I realized, these shorts look like they run a bit small… So I took both size 8 and size 10 to try on.

Well, the size 8 shorts wouldn’t get past my knees. 

The size 10 got as far as my thighs and that was it.

The size 12 shorts could be buttoned but almost gave me a unpleasant orgasm. (If you know what I mean).

I was shocked! Obviously, these shorts were mis-marked! I refused to even look at a size 14! 

Instead I went to a different rack. It was sized S-M-L. I found a pair of really cute shorts with a tie string waist, size medium. OK, I can deal with that. I tried them on, they fit perfectly with even a little room to spare.   I bought three different colors, Navy, black and beige.

I added a couple of cute medium tops and two pairs of flip-flops.  I didn’t even look for a bathing suit – I was NOT going to put myself through that.

Once I got back to the hotel, I put on my cute little top and my size medium shorts.  They fit nicely, those other shorts HAD to be mis-marked. I am a size 8!

Then I looked at the tag. Oh my God! Oh my God --it can’t be! The shorts, size medium, that fit so perfectly, were MEN’S shorts!! That’s right, men’s shorts! Oh, yes, I was a medium all right - a Man’s Medium! A woman’s Wal-Mart Size 14, (or maybe 16 who knows_ but a Man’s Medium! I wanted to shoot myself. I nearly collapsed with horror. Maybe I’m double that size, maybe I was an 18 --or higher-- who knows?! I swore I would never eat or drink again. But I really needed a martini, badly. After all I was now a plus size woman!

So I think I’ve proved my point. Rich woman are significantly smaller than poorer woman. Why? Because design houses like Escada, Chanel and Dior, charge a zillion dollars for a dress, skirt, jacket or suit and they cut them really big so that woman like me will actually pay that zillion dollars to boast, I am a Size 8!

In conclusion, I realize the following: 

If I want to be a real size 8, I better start dieting and get my fat bum in the gym. 

Or

I better keep really focused on my business, so that I can shop at Escada.

Or

I need to find myself a good psychiatrist who will explain why a size tag matters so much to me!

 So for all my UndercoverWear Agents reading, please do me a favor, go out there and Book, Sell, and Recruit! Grow your business, continue to make UndercoverWear the number one party plan company in North America!

Do it for YOU!

Do it for Your Family!

Do it for UndercoverWear. 

Heck with that --do it for me so I can always be a size 8!  (Just kidding)