Garage Sale

Have you ever thought about all the things you’ve collected in your life?

Let me take you through the “collectible” picture of my life.

My 20’s -

Clothes, fans, champagne glasses, and shoes

My 30’s –

Add jewelry, china crystal, Limoges pill boxes, Lladros, and of course more shoes

My 40’s –

Fabulous jewelry, homes, cars, planes, and you guessed it, shoes

My 50’s –

Work out clothes, gym equipment, facial creams, some flatter shoes, but shoes nonetheless

My 60’s –

Lubricants, anti-aging anything, vitamins, supplements and guess what? Bigger shoes.  (How can your feet really grow?   I’m going with I live in Hawaii and it’s water retention.)

Truth of the matter is, for the first 50 years of your life, you collect things that for the  next 20 years, you try to figure out how to get rid of.

Once, every so often WJJ decides to do a garage sale.  It’s going to be next Saturday at our Kaikoo house.  For those of you that don’t know, yes we have two homes in Hawaii both of which are on the ocean.  The Kahala house has a beach in front of it.  The waves are normally subtle and calm.  The Kaikoo house is high, with crashing waves and surfers close enough, you can almost touch them.  WJJ loves the ocean at Kahala.  TJ loves the ocean at Kaikoo.  We live in Kahala, which clearly shows you who has “house power” in our family.

Anyway, the James’ family does not have your ordinary garage sale.  Oh no, WJJ organizes it like he organizes every other facet of his life. It is well thought out and meticulously planned.  Every item is individually tagged and there is a master list reflecting the item and the tagged price.  No one is going to be switching that $5.00 tag to $2.00 tag on us!

This year’s garage sale is centered around getting rid of stuff, lots of stuff!  Our intention is to completely remodel the Kaikoo house from top to bottom -- so everything must go!  Well almost everything.  I mean, WJJ wanted to sell my absolutely gorgeous, one of a kind, table which was a zillion dollars for $250.  No.  No.  I say again, No.   There’s also an art piece that he put a $25.00 tag on, when I looked it up online, it was worth at least $250.00!

It gets worse. 

When WJJ decides to do a garage sale, his objective is to get rid of as many things as possible.  Today he started getting out our old bronze flatware that he bought in Vietnam. (I looked that up too, and it’s worth about $350. I’ll bet he’ll put a $100 price tag on it.) He then found silver plated flatware that belonged to his Mother from the 40’s.  He was going to sell that too! That’s where I put my foot down. No, no, NO!  I know that my daughter in law, Cheryl, LOVES anything handed down from generation to generation.  So that flatware is being whisked away, and sent to Boston. 

I think the big sellers will be some of Niccie’s toys.  Oh yes, we’ve got princess houses, princess clothes, princess crowns and an even a mini Mercedes convertible that WJJ and I purchased at a Charity Auction.  They are all destined to be part of the garage sale. Gina, my Executive Assistant, really would rather list these things on Craig’s List, but do you think either one of us are going to debate WJJ? Not a shot.  He is garage sale king.

So next Saturday at the crack of dawn, the garage sale will begin. Everything from sofas to TV’s, to tables and chairs will be gone. If they want it and will buy it, he will sell it! That’s WJJ’s Garage Sale Philosophy.

Do you think I should check to see if my name appears on the “WJJ Master For Sale Garage List?” –Maybe I’ll have a price or worse “Best Offer”.

…Nah, nobody can really afford me.  

As many have said and for a plethora of different reasons,  “I am priceless!” Hmmm, is that a compliment?

Wish me luck!

Interesting

Interesting...

Interesting is such an interesting word.  In our family it has several different connotations.   When WJJ and I are chatting about something we are planning, and I come up with what I believe is a great idea that differs from his, then he will say, “That’s interesting.” 

Example:  If he has decided that we should take a cruise and I say, “You know what? We haven’t been to Paris in years, what do you think? Shall we go to Europe?” WJJ will respond, “Well that’s interesting.”  That means, Tiffany you don’t understand we are going on the cruise.

Jamie is different.  If someone makes a statement that he believes is completely incorrect, and has not a modicum of accuracy, then he will say, “That’s interesting”.

Of course, like WJJ he also uses “that’s interesting” if he too, has no intention of considering the concept.  If he thinks the idea is slightly exciting, he will say, “Well, I don’t hate it.”  But don’t get too excited.  That usually means there’s only a part of the idea that he is entertaining. 

Example:  If Cheryl says, “Jamie, how about going to Paris this summer?” Jamie will respond, “Well Cheryl, I don’t hate that idea.  While Cheryl is busy online researching the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, and Montmartre, Jamie is making plans to go on a family trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain.  What Jamie means by “I don’t hate it” is “No way we are going to Paris, but going away on a family trip this summer is a good idea.”

When I say, “That’s interesting”, I usually mean your idea is completely out of my thought process. But before I tell you, “You’re whacky”, I need to ponder the concept to see if there is any basis for consideration. 

Again, for example:  If WJJ suddenly said to me, “Let’s go camping next summer, just the two of us”.  I would answer “Well, that’s interesting. Tell me more.”

I used that for example purposes only.  There is not a shot in H*** that WJJ would want to go camping.  I know you’re not going to believe this, but I would be more apt to give that a try. WJJ -- forget it. He thinks camping is staying at the Holiday Inn.  To be fair to him, he did serve in the “rice paddies” of Vietnam.  So sleeping in tents outdoors is definitely not his forte. It really isn’t mine either.  I am trying to convince WJJ to spend a month in Montana in winter.  Thus far, I haven’t even gotten a “that’s interesting”.

Now when Cheryl says, “that’s interesting”, because she has no “blood relationship” with us, she actually means, “that’s interesting.” She wants to hear more.  Unlike the rest of us, she uses the term honestly.  What a concept! 

Example:  If I said, “I really would like to go to Paris!” Cheryl would respond, “Oh how interesting, how exciting! Tell me all about your plans.” Poor Cheryl, she doesn’t understand that WJJ is going to kibosh the idea anyway, so there’s no reason to chat about it. 

Last but not least, Niccie.  Niccie was a “slow talker” when she was younger.  Other than WJJ, we were all concerned about her lack of talking in her early years.  WJJ said often, “Trust me she’s fine. She’s a girl. Some time in the not so distant future, she’ll be chatting incessantly.”

She’s 7.  That time is here. 

So Niccie will be telling a story and Paris is brought up, “ Oh Niccie, Tutu loves Paris!” She’ll respond, “Oh Tutu, that’s interesting…” and then go on with her story without skipping a beat.  So Niccie’s, “that’s interesting” simply means, “I couldn’t care less, why did you interrupt my story?”

Well, welcome to the James Family.  While we are far from perfect, we are “interesting” --whatever that means!

Get Addicted to Romance! 12 Step Program

I believe every long-standing relationship needs constant attention.  In UndercoverWear, we say, “Never let your monogamous relationship become monotonous.”

Personally I think it is really important for women to put as much time and energy into their marriage, as they do their children and their friendships.  It rather frosts my cookies when women spend more time deciding what they are wearing to lunch with their girlfriends, than what they wear in front of their husband. 

Isn’t our marriage supposed to be the most important relationship we have?

And men, they need all kinds of lessons.   How’s this for lesson one? 

Hey guys, did you know that most women need romance and “sweet talk” just as much as you need sex? But don’t get confused! Women enjoy sex as well.

Here’s the difference, for most men, foreplay is five minutes (at best) consisting of kissing, and if you’re lucky a touch of touching.  For women foreplay is soft romantic caresses with gentle passionate kisses and even the forbidden- talking!   (And not the “dirty talk”)

So here are the 12 steps that will keep your marriage, fresh, fun romantic, and exciting!

1.      Stay in love!  Feel it and say it often.

2.      Passionate Friendship is great, but being Passionate is Perfect!

3.      Create date night. Yes; you really can take time off together.  When Jamie was young, WJJ and I created “date night” in our home.  He could watch TV in the den and he could come into the dining room or living room to say “goodnight”, but it was our time.  Obviously “Bedroom Magic” attire was saved until we went to our bedroom.  But WJJ and I still dressed for dinner as if it were “date night.”

4.      Play games.  When WJJ and had no money, I gave him a Fantasy Fishbowl for Christmas.  I wrote 60 different fantasies on paper and put them in the fishbowl.  They ranged in things like, “I’ll say I’m sorry even if I’m not wrong --to much spicier fantasies.  And of course there were rules, etc.  But to this day, WJJ will tell you it was one of his favorite gifts from me.

5.      Think  “before the marriage”.  Treat your husband the same way you would if you were dating and wanted him to propose!  How’s that for a sobering thought?

6.      Become a “One Minute Lover”  (Not about Sex)  (I’ll tell you more about that later)

7.      Don’t be boring! WJJ never knows what to expect from me. I’m not taking about the bedroom necessarily.  One day, I’ll pull my hair back in a ponytail and wear jeans, the next day; I’ll be wearing a long gown looking like Joan Collins. I belong to a women’s group who decided to buy boas, last week I walked around the house in my workout clothes, sneakers and my boa around my neck.  See? Not boring.

8.      Do dress-up! And I mean dress up! You know, dress up for date night and dress up for Bedroom Magic. Do you have the right lingerie wardrobe and accessories?  A few wigs, gloves, and stiletto heels are a necessity.

9.      Be creative. Use your imagination in the bedroom.  Do you want to be in control? Or give him all the control? Take your pick, but be creative!  A friend of mine on Valentines night transformed her bedroom into a bordello complete with red satin fabric draped on the bed and on the window.  And of course, candles, lotions, potions and her favorite UndercoverWear.

10.  Come to your Senses! You know seeing, smelling, touching, hearing and tasting, use them all to create a more exciting love life.

11.  Don’t get too comfortable. This really is my pet peeve!  Just because you’ve been married for a long time, don’t start talking and doing things that are   inappropriate. Do you really have to talk about your time of the month and all that it entails? Or is it necessary to throw on an old t-shirt to wear to bed? Do you really think it’s attractive to decide you’ve been too busy to shower or wash your hair today? Now if you want to create an “ugly day” pact, that’s OK.  You know, one day a week you can BOTH be “ugly”.  But getting too comfortable in anything usually spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

12.   And finally, remember the romance! If you continually think romantically and act romantically, then you will indeed have the type of relationship that you both deserve.

Being Sexy

Click Here to view and/or purchase Sexy Chic!

I recently read an article about Julianne Moore, she’s the actress that starred in “The Kids Are all Right” with Annette Bening. The interviewer asked her about being sexy here is her response.

"Doing the mommy stuff does sort of squash that area of your life. I can feel that way when I'm alone with Bart or when we take a trip," Moore says. "But the day-to-day of picking up kids and going to the eye doctor and then dropping them off at basketball and then going to the middle school concert, that stuff doesn't make you feel very sexy! That was my day yesterday."

I’ll bet every woman reading this is saying “right on.”  Moore continued, "I have a terrible habit of staying in my yoga clothes all day.

Moore has one up on me! Truth be told, since WJJ and I departed from UndercoverWear’s corporate world, there are many occasions where it is 4 PM, and I am still in my nightgown. I can assure you the Fed Ex man has thoroughly enjoyed dropping off packages on more than one occasion, based on my attire (or lack there of).

As a matter of fact it’s 8:00AM, Sunday morning, and here I am in my office, wearing my new cut little UndercoverWear chemise.   It’s comfy, it’s cute, it’s definitely not sexy, and should be worn for sleeping purposes, only!

It gets worse. 

UndercoverWear just introduced a really adorable little “dress”.  Yes, it can be worn around the house or out!  I got 2 of them, immediately.  Wore them for two consecutive days.  Gina commented.  “I guess you like that dress.”  Yes I do.

Last night we went out with friends for dinner. I wore my cute little Escada dress and sexy little stilettos. Afterward, our friends joined us at our home for a cigar and port wine (yes, I , not WJJ, enjoy a cigar periodically.) Anyway, the moment we got home, I ran upstairs to put something comfy on. Yep, you guessed it that brown dress.

When our guests left and I went upstairs to change, WJJ with every bit of seriousness said, “Tiffany for the first time in my life I am so proud of you.”

My, my, my, I was all-ears.  I responded, “Ok, tell me why?”

He continued, “Well obviously, you have decided to completly change your life, and most importantly, your spending habits.”

I had absolutely no idea to what he was referring to.

Well, he said, “I’ve noticed that you have chosen to become completely frugal and only buy wholesale.” What the heck was he talking about? I still had no clue!

Finally, he said,  “ Yes Tiffany, I have noticed that you received that dress on Thursday.  You wore it Thursday night, Friday day, Saturday day, and Saturday night. I think you have gotten your money’s worth, oh that’s right, its UndercoverWear and it was free! Perhaps, just perhaps, you might want to wear something else tomorrow.” 

OK so today he’s got a nightgown instead.  

Getting back to being “sexy”, lets all start a “I’m 2 Sexy Club”! 

Come on, we all want to be sexy and yet we don’t take the time to really “fluff and buff” and FEEL SEXY.

Starting today, I’m doing it! I’m officially voting myself President of the “I’m 2 Sexy Club!” And ironically enough, UnderocoverWear does have a really cute nightshirt (which really isn’t sexy) but boast “2 Sexy”.  Well it’s a good start!

Gotta run, better take off my nightgown. Darn both my little brown dresses are being washed!

We have an amazing LINGERIE line. You’ll love the quality and easy care of our fashions. You’ll love the fabric and the style and the versatility of UndercoverWear. We have something for everyone, from comfortable and kid friendly, to stylish, sensual, and sexy. We have pretty little things that make you feel good about you. And, of course we have sexy and fabulous because that makes us feel great too!  Our prices, for the quality, are amazing and we have sizes from S to 3X and we DON’T charge more for our large sizes!

Thank you UndercoverWear.



Betty & Veronica

My niece started working for a card company in Massachusetts about eight months ago.  She accepted the position because she felt it offered her upward mobility. To make a long story short, she has been working her tush off, and both her supervisor and the CEO have said that she is remarkable.  She was due for a review and an increase in pay two months ago.  They continually promise her that it’s in the works.  But of course, it hasn’t happened yet.

On almost a daily basis I ask for a status update.  And the reply is the same, “Auntie, I don’t want to seem pushy”. 

Ladies does this sound familiar? 

Why is it that when we stand up for ourselves, we have this fear of being too aggressive? I am 100% sure most successful men do not have that same feeling.

Did you happen to watch the premier of Celebrity Apprentice?  Richard Hatch, the “Survivor”, turned tax evader, was on.  Throughout the entire show, he bordered on being perfectly obnoxious.  Jose Conseco (another bully) wanted to “beat him up.” Yet it was sweet darling David Cassidy who got voted off.  Why? Because he showed no signs of passion or conviction. 

Hmmm…

My granddaughter, Niccie, loves to read Archie comics. Niccie much prefers Veronica to Betty, as do I. Recently I met a gal, Evelyn, who has a 25-year-old daughter named Veronica.  She actually named her after the comic strip character.   Obviously, she too prefers Veronica to Betty.

Evelyn said, “I don’t know why I liked Veronica so much better than Betty.”

I responded, “Why shouldn’t you?”  She answered, “Well Betty was so sweet and Veronica --well she had a bit of a mean streak.”

This is exactly how I responded.

Betty was pretty, sweet and nice, all of which are good qualities. Betty continuously gave Archie lots of attention.   But, and here is a big but, Archie kept dumping Betty for Veronica.  And Betty would go back over and over again to Archie, and receive the same treatment.    If that wasn’t enough, in every competition, Betty lost to Veronica.   Aside from the mean strike, I want my granddaughter to grow up to be like Veronica --not be the doormat that Betty was, and perhaps, still is.

I’m sure this is going to cause a lot of controversy. 

But seriously, why are women so afraid to be driven, direct and aggressive?  Those qualities don’t negate being a nice person.

Remember one of my favorite mantras, “I will compete with any man in the Boardroom, but I never want my bedroom to become a “bored room””. Take the first part of that statement.

Get it. 

As sweet and kind as I believe I am, when it comes to business, I don’t want to be the pretty little rose on the rose bush.  When it comes to some men in business, if I’m the rose, than I am sometimes competing with another part of the bush -- if you know what I mean.

Anyway, it all boils down to self-esteem and one’s own insecurities.

I think I should definitely write about that soon.  Ego’s are in --Insecurity and doormat’s are OUT! 

Tj

Fun Fact: Most of the Archie characters were based on real people from Haverhill, Massachusetts, where Bob Montana (the creator) lived.  The only exception is, of course, Veronica Lodge, was based on the actress Veronica Lake.  Aren’t you glad I give you such helpful information?

Tsunami

First and most importantly, I want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers.  Living on the ocean in Paradise is certainly a blessing.   However, when you have Tsunami warnings two years in a row, it does indeed, make you understand the power of Mother Nature. Do notice, it is “Mother Nature” not “Father Nature” illustrating once again the strength of a woman.

Ironically when the warnings took place last year, WJJ and I were on a 3-month cruise.  We were just outside of Chile when the earthquake struck, and then of course the threat of a major Tsunami.   Then we were riveted to our TV for hours. 

Just about everyone on the ship knew we had two homes on the ocean in Hawaii, so we were constantly being asked, “How are you doing?”

The answer was simple.  We were fine.  Being away from Hawaii actually made it easy.  There was absolutely nothing we could do but wait.  Fortunately, there was little damage, as the Tsunami became merely ripples in the ocean.

Last night was very different.  WJJ and I had finished dinner early and watched the results from American Idol.  Friday is golf day for WJJ, so we decided to go to bed early, about 9:30!  I followed my typical evening “beauty” routine.  Wash face, put cream on, take out contacts, brush teeth, brush hair and put on nightgown.  Last night it was Contempo, which is my favorite “sleeping” chemise.

Just before I shut the TV off in my dressing room, I heard about the earthquake in Japan.  I got into bed and said to WJJ, “There’s been a major earthquake in Japan.  Those poor people.”  The thought of a Tsunami crossed my mind, but nothing had been mentioned.

I fell into a very deep sleep.  About a half hour later, our house phone rang.  That is never a good sign that late.  (Remember all of my family is located on the East Coast so 10:00 PM Hawaii time, is 3:00 AM East Coast time)  No one calls with good news at that hour.

I woke and heard WJJ talking then he hung up.  He said, “That was Bob Shohan” (one of our dear friends and WJJ’s golfing (buddy).   I assumed it was a call about golf so I went back to sleep.  Oh boy, that wasn’t going to last long.  About five minutes later, WJJ woke me up and said, “Honey, you have to get up, we have to leave.”  Half asleep I said, “Where are we going?”  He answered,  “The Shohan's house”.  I said,  “What’s wrong? Are they OK?”  “Yes” he responded, “but we may not be.”

“Huh?”  He continued, “there is a major Tsunami warning and it looks very serious. We have to evacuate.” Just then I heard the sirens for the first time. Yes, Civil defense sirens blaring to encourage, no actually, demand evacuation. 

As if in a trance, I got up, put on a long lounging dress (didn’t want to visit people in my lingerie) put my contacts back in and got my “emergency carry-on” which is always packed with toothbrush, toothpaste, contact solution etc. and got into the car to head to higher elevations.  Our friends live in a lovely hi-rise condo so that’s where safety presented itself.

It took us less than 10 minutes to leave the house. As we passed the gas stations there were literally 30 -40 cars waiting for gas. The reality of the situation was evident. In the deep dark of night with sirens blaring, we realized that the waiting game had begun.

So we arrived and became transfixed to the TV.  Hours passed and WJJ and I continued to look for any signs of what would happen.   At 1:30 AM (6:30 East Coast time), my cell phone started ringing.  First my sister Chris,  of course she asked,  "Are you Ok?”  Then, “where are you?” And finally the question of the night,

“Did you take your jewelry with you?”  I assured her that yes we were fine -- just waiting. And no I didn’t really think about my jewelry.  But now that she had mentioned it, I had visions of my jewels floating away across the Pacific Ocean.

Damn, who cares about my contact solution, I should have worried more about my jewelry.

Jamie of course called concerned about our safety.  I checked our home phone and several of our Hawaii friends had called to make sure we knew about the Tsunami, and had invited us to spend the night at their homes.  Amazing.

Finally, the first waves hit Kauai at 3:07 as scheduled.  But there were no real reports.  Oahu was next at about 3:17.  Still, no real reports.  All that was said, was that a Tsunami is a series of waves -- so even if the first one is not large, through the two hours of activity, anything could happen. We clearly understood.  No sigh of relief until somewhere around 8:00 AM.  By that time, WJJ and I were exhausted and once again realized there was nothing we could do. So at about 4:15 AM we went to bed. 

We were up 3 hours later.  Much to our disbelief, for the second year in a row, Hawaii seemed to have withstood the threat of a major Tsunami.  It was indeed a miracle and a blessing.

We were safe, our friends were safe and our houses were not damaged.  Amazing.

To make life even better, Terri had decided that we “deserved” a hearty breakfast.

Yes, she had strawberries, yogurt, salami, cheese, bacon (crispy), eggs, toast, and hash browns.   For a one piece of whole wheat toast for breakfast kind of gal:, this was a real treat. 

We were able to return home to lots of messages and emails from people I had seen yesterday to some I hadn’t seen in years.  All with the same messages of care and concern.

So, no major Tsunami, rather a reinforcement of love and friendship--in Hawaii that’s called Ohana --which actually means “family.”   Despite all the devastation that could have occurred last night, that is not my story today.   Even if God forbid something had happened to the house, it’s still only a house. The kindness shown by so many reinforces Ohana--that despite time and distance --once Ohana --always Ohana. 

And finally, our thoughts love and prayers go out to the people of Japan.  The damage done by the Earthquake and Tsunami is extraordinary.  But as a community that is resilient and resourceful, I know that Japan will rise above this tragedy.

Again, my sincere thanks to my Ohana and for my sister Chris who can always add some levity to an otherwise serious situation. 

With love,

Tj

I am a Size 8!

Some of you may have missed my earlier blogs, this one is one of my own personal favorites.  It’s all about “weight” and my continuing issues with “the scale”

Did you know that all rich women are significantly smaller than poor women? 

No, seriously, it’s true. 

For those of you that are now sure I am either, wacky or an elitist, let me verify that statement.

I was shopping at Escada last week (high-ticket designer). I bought a fabulous little black dress size 38, which equates to a size 8.  I was so excited to be in a Size 8, I wanted to wear the dress tag on the outside!

Size 8 Size 8 Size 8!  I wanted the world to know!

Just as my sense of ego was mounting to an all time high, our once a week housekeeper, Alma, brought me in one of her favorite catalogues.  She was sure I would just love the new fall clothes, so I perused the catalogue. I saw the most adorable dresses and sweaters. She was right!

I was just about to order a few when I realized that the only sizes offered were size 1X – 5 X. Wait a minute, why on earth would she give me a catalogue with plus sizes?! I’m a size 8! That makes me almost petite!

Being totally confused, and frankly afraid of the answer, I never did ask Alma why she gave me the catalogue. I decided she just didn’t realize the size range.

The next day, I met a friend for martinis. We hadn’t visited in about six months, she told me I looked great, and how much she had missed me.  Phew! OK I’m feeling good again.

She then asked me three times, “So how much weight have you lost?” 

“None” I responded.

“No really you must have lost at least 10 – 15 pounds!”

Again, I said, “No I haven’t lost a pound. In fact I’ve gained five pounds.”

“No!” She persisted, “you must have lost weight, and you look great.”

Now I was getting annoyed.   

I wanted to say, “OK, so when I saw you last time, did I look like a tuba-luba?”  Understand, seriously, I haven’t LOST weight.  I’ve gained weight, but remember based on my new Escada dress I am a SIZE 8! 

As I pondered this, I remembered my Mexico story several years ago. WJJ and I arrived a couple of days early for an UndercoverWear incentive trip.  We left Hawaii in January, and flew to Jacksonville, Florida for the Super Bowl. Instead of packing clothes for all the different weather, I decided to ship my clothes straight to Mexico.

As you probably guessed, my clothes got “stuck” in Customs.  All my new bathing suits, short sets, dresses, all of it, stuck! Yes, they were in Mexico, but not in my closet.

It was Friday, I was assured by customs that I would have my boxes on Monday. That would have been fine, but I really did need a few things for the weekend. I had no intention of going to any of the “better stores”.  After all, my brand new beautiful designer clothes would arrive on Monday.  

So WJJ and I went shopping across the street from the hotel. Where you ask, Wal-Mart, of course. Surely I could pick up some cute shorts, tops and a bathing suit or two.

This was gong to be a breeze! Little tiny me --shopping for clothes. I was pleasantly surprised at some of the cute styles. I was about to take several pairs of shorts in the dressing room, when I realized, these shorts look like they run a bit small… So I took both size 8 and size 10 to try on.

Well, the size 8 shorts wouldn’t get past my knees. 

The size 10 got as far as my thighs and that was it.

The size 12 shorts could be buttoned but almost gave me a unpleasant orgasm. (If you know what I mean).

I was shocked! Obviously, these shorts were mis-marked! I refused to even look at a size 14! 

Instead I went to a different rack. It was sized S-M-L. I found a pair of really cute shorts with a tie string waist, size medium. OK, I can deal with that. I tried them on, they fit perfectly with even a little room to spare.   I bought three different colors, Navy, black and beige.

I added a couple of cute medium tops and two pairs of flip-flops.  I didn’t even look for a bathing suit – I was NOT going to put myself through that.

Once I got back to the hotel, I put on my cute little top and my size medium shorts.  They fit nicely, those other shorts HAD to be mis-marked. I am a size 8!

Then I looked at the tag. Oh my God! Oh my God --it can’t be! The shorts, size medium, that fit so perfectly, were MEN’S shorts!! That’s right, men’s shorts! Oh, yes, I was a medium all right - a Man’s Medium! A woman’s Wal-Mart Size 14, (or maybe 16 who knows_ but a Man’s Medium! I wanted to shoot myself. I nearly collapsed with horror. Maybe I’m double that size, maybe I was an 18 --or higher-- who knows?! I swore I would never eat or drink again. But I really needed a martini, badly. After all I was now a plus size woman!

So I think I’ve proved my point. Rich woman are significantly smaller than poorer woman. Why? Because design houses like Escada, Chanel and Dior, charge a zillion dollars for a dress, skirt, jacket or suit and they cut them really big so that woman like me will actually pay that zillion dollars to boast, I am a Size 8!

In conclusion, I realize the following: 

If I want to be a real size 8, I better start dieting and get my fat bum in the gym. 

Or

I better keep really focused on my business, so that I can shop at Escada.

Or

I need to find myself a good psychiatrist who will explain why a size tag matters so much to me!

 So for all my UndercoverWear Agents reading, please do me a favor, go out there and Book, Sell, and Recruit! Grow your business, continue to make UndercoverWear the number one party plan company in North America!

Do it for YOU!

Do it for Your Family!

Do it for UndercoverWear. 

Heck with that --do it for me so I can always be a size 8!  (Just kidding)

Academy Awards

So what did you think about the Academy Awards Ceremony on TV?

WJJ and I watched most of it. We missed the beginning because we are HBO’s “Big Love” fans. WJJ has said repeatedly that having three attractive wives could be fun --the downside is having three women all of whom have different needs and emotions constantly wanting “attention.”  Hello WJJ, tell me about it!  

As I have said in the past, the best thing about being part of UndercoverWear is “working with women”.  And some of most difficult times in my career have been -- “working with women.”  LOL

Anyway let’s get back to the Award Ceremony. 

I rarely go to movies.  Normally, the only movies I see are either on TV or on airplanes.  So the only movie nominee that I actually saw was “The Kids Are Alright” with Annette Bening.  I thought it was a good film, not fabulous , but good.  I am eager to see The King’s Speech.  I have not seen Black Swan but I have heard rave reviews.  However, based on the storyline and ending, I’m probably not going to see it.  Call me simple minded, but give me “My Fair Lady” and I’m happy.

So I thought James Franco and Anne Hathaway did OK as hosts.  They are both very attractive but I didn’t feel that they showed a whole lot of humor.  Franco playing Marilyn Monroe was just odd.  But actually I don’t blame them, I think the writers were off, no Emmy’s for them!

But let’s get down to the “nitty gritty”, who looked good and who didn’t. 

I adored Melissa Leo’s Marc Bouwer gown.  In fact, I instantly looked him up and will be contacting him today.  Of course, Melissa rather tainted her image when she dropped the “F Bomb”.  Perhaps she should be a bit more “ladylike”.  I learned that from my Mother. 

When I was in my 30’s, many women were using the “F word” like it was an acceptable adjective.  I inadvertently used it in front of my Mother. Boy, did I get the wrath of Adrienne Canto. Everything from, “I didn’t raise you that way, to how absolutely unladylike it was.”  I broke that habit real quickly.

So, last night I thought most of Anne Hathaway’s gowns were lovely.   I loved Jennifer Hudson’s entire look.  I thought Annette Bening’s gown was completely unflattering! (By the way, I also felt that Warren Beatty had lost his pizzazz). 

My favorite look of the night was Marissa Tomei.  She looked stunning.  Boy, does she understand vintage elegance at its best.

Yesterday, my Aunt Cora (who is 84 + fabulous), and I spent a half hour discussing the show. As I mentioned, I had only watched one movie out of all the categories.  (OK, I may have fibbed, I also saw Toy Story 3 with Niccie.) 

Anyway, my Aunt had not seen any.  So I guess, all in all, spending a half hour chatting about a movie award show, when we really hadn’t seen most of the movies, would indicate that the Academy Awards is still exciting.  But then again, I love watching Miss America too.  So let’s see, My Fair Lady, Academy Award gowns, and Miss America.  Do you see a common denominator?

Talk to you soon!