Donahue Show - Part II

As I shared with you in last week’s blog, suddenly my hard work had paid off and I was going to appear on The Donahue Show.  Jane, the producer, wanted me to arrive a couple of days in advance in order to go over the format.

Filled with a combination of confidence and trepidation, I boarded the plan to Chicago in First Class thanks to Mr. Donahue.  In “the old days”, it was not often that a female would be seated alone in first class.  So often, I was seated next to a man.

This flight was no exception. 

I had traveled for UCW often and usually I had a male plane partner. So after the “getting settled” phase and the name introduction, my “companion” asked a question that I had heard often, “So, are you a flight attendant?”  OK so an attractive early thirtysomething woman, it was assumed that I could only be traveling first class if I was an Attendant.  Without volunteering any information, I would answer, “No, I’m not.”  Most often, they would then ask, “Is your husband a pilot?””  (Obviously they knew I was married based on the wedding band --clever).  Again, I would say, “No he is not.”   Next response, “So what does your husband do?”  Of course, my husband had to be “paying my way”.  There’s no possibility that I could be young, well dressed and accomplished as well.  Course not.

By this time, I would get a bit “twirpy”.  “Actually I own a lingerie company.”  (Sorry WJJ, I wasn’t going to do the husband and wife thing --not to this jerk.)  Well, 9 times out of 10, my “male mate” would then use what he thought was the single most clever response in the world.  Can you guess what it was? 

He’d say, “Boy, I’d like to see you in YOUR lingerie.”

How crass!  How typical male!

At first, I got rather offended and then put them in their place by talking about the financial success of UCW.  But that got boring.

So in order to calm my nerves on this particular flight, I got creative.

I said, “Oh then you should visit our corporate headquarters”.   I continued,

“Yes at UndercoverWear all employees are compelled to wear our product each day.  We feel it is essential to establish espirit de corps by wearing some sort of lingerie to work.  It keeps us very focused on our product line.”

He said, “You’re kidding, right?”

Without skipping a beat, I said.  “Oh no, I’m dead serious.  Our receptionist wears a little corsellete --not too revealing -the female staff members can wear anything from baby dolls to chemises to even comfy pajamas.  We’ve developed a “Hugh Hefner” lounging set for the men to wear.”

I continued, “As owner, I really get to wear anything I want --from the ultra conservative to the barely nothing --of course certainly nothing completely sheer but a diaphanous long gown is usually my choice.”  The poor guy had no idea what diaphanous meant --but I could seem him picture “Playboy bunnies with big boobs wearing marabou slippers or better yet stiletto heesl walking around UCW.”

He so wanted to believe the story, he did.  Trust me, he was almost salivating.

This was fun.

He asked why I was going to Chicago and I of course I said that I was doing the Donahue show and he should really watch it so he could see our Corporate Attire.

Well Mr. Idiot Man fell hook, line and sinker.  He asked if he could visit UCW the next time he was in Boston.  I said, of course, but only if he would change into the Hefner loungewear.  He was more than happy to oblige.

Finally I arrived in Chicago with a limo waiting to pick me up for my big adventure.

I was staying at the Drake Hotel in a gorgeous suite.  Tomorrow I would be meeting Phil Donahue in person.  And today, I had just pulled off quite the little story on this poor innocent man.

Then I thought about it, oh my God, tomorrow I was meeting Phil Donahue and I had just taken great pleasure in lying to this poor unsuspecting innocent man.    Could that be “bad karma?”  Was Phil Donahue going to throw me out or worse embarrass me in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers. 

Damn, I wished I had taken this guy’s business card to tell him I was only kidding. 

So I did what every good Catholic girl does when faced with a dilemma.   I made a deal with God.  I promised I would NEVER tell that story to another persona again IF I had a good interview on the Donahue Show. 

Guess what?  Evidently God listened.  I never could tell that story again.