The Real Housewives

Okay, readers – which one of you knows one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey? I personally, don’t know any of them, but I must admit, I am hooked on the entire Housewives series.

A couple weeks back, Joey and Teresa Giudice had a little “pillow talk” about the vibrating pleasure ring he was wearing. Teresa showed the ring and described what it did and guess what?

It looked just like an UndercoverWear Bedroom Magic pleasure ring. Of course, it wasn’t our new “Woo Hoo” ring – which is more than simple pleasure, it’s WOO HOO!

I am on a mission to “upgrade” Teresa’s pleasure. Whether I fly in to do an UndercoverWear party for the Housewives of New Jersey or something even better…but I need your help. We have the best customers and UndercoverWear agents and I know we can do this together…

Back when my husband and I appeared on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, it was an AGENT who introduced us to the producers. I believe in the “Six degrees of separation” theory and just know we can do this. Let’s find a way to host a party for Teresa.

Let’s get this blog out there and the people who help us along the way will be glad they did!! All right ladies, let’s see what we’ve got – let’s pool our resources and let Teresa experience the fun of a REAL Girls Night Out – UndercoverWear style!

Teresa, I can’t wait to meet you…

-Tiffany

Working from Home

I work out of my home. When I was part of “Corporate” UndercoverWear, I never understood why women who worked from home were so disorganized. I didn’t realize that there are constant interruptions during each and every day.

Take last Friday for example. I had a busy phone day planned. (Enter interruptions). First, the pool man came; then, the electric guy followed by the air conditioning fellow.

Then, I went into one of my office cabinets for something only to discover how disorganized it was! I decided to clean it out – something that was not on my “to do” list, but it annoyed me. The cabinet is home to my “Secret Stash:”         

• Several packages of seaweed (an important part of my diet – I swear it makes my hair thicker! Bottles of Skinny Girl Margarita (for my Girls Luncheons) Bags of Nibs licorice (straight from Boston because you can’t find it in Hawaii)
• Bags of mini cheddar cheese rice cakes (low cal aka great for snacks)
• Containers of K-cups (that’s coffee not something sensual). The extra bold flavor for my one cup of STRONG coffee a day
• Ricola Lemon Mint Pearls.

Based on what’s in that cabinet (now very organized), let me confirm your suspicions…Yes, I am a weird chick!

I just got sidetracked…My day of interruptions continued with a mission critical Escada fitting. My assistant brought me some new clothes that had to be put into my “collection” (see my “stuff” blog) or immediately returned.

Then, I remembered the unmade bed and dirty breakfast dishes! If you’re thinking, “Tiffany doesn’t really make beds or do dishes,” I may be compelled to slap you! I don’t have Hazel the maid and Henry the butler at my beckon call. In fact, my work from home status makes me feel more on point to do things around the house. Hmmm, now isn’t that interesting.

At about 2PM, I realized I hadn’t eaten so I made myself a quick snack. I decided I had to take something out for dinner. It’s Friday – Fish is perfect! I made Quinoa (enough to feed North America), as a side because I thought it was a healthy choice. Of course, I looked online and discovered it may be good for you, but it’s loaded with starch and carbs. Great!

After dinner prep, I made some personal calls to my 83-year-old aunt and my cousin, who recently lost her husband, to find out when she is having her knee surgery. Mixed into all of this was a plethora of business calls and emails. The day was flying by!

Then – of all things – my husband returned early from golf to find me sitting in my “It’s a Wrap” not having yet showered. What a mess I was – I truly couldn’t stand looking at me anymore. I was embarrassed.

I quickly “fluffed and buffed” and then made calls to two Top Leader groups and finally sat down for an evening martini and our backgammon games.

What’s the point? Obviously, when I worked in the office at UndercoverWear, I actually got dressed each morning. I never walked out of the house without showering, shampooing and putting on my makeup. Furthermore, I was always “dressed to the nines.”

There are many advantages to working from home – your time is your own, no one tells you when to start and stop working, you certainly are your own boss and not to mention the tax advantages. However, one can get “lazy” on the personal discipline side when it comes to time and looking polished.

That Friday, I made a pact with myself. I’m not going to have my husband – or anyone for that matter – walk in again to me looking like the Wreck of Hesperus. He’s golfing again today. It’s 2PM and here I sit in my It’s A Wrap, but I’ve got plenty of time!

OK that’s it; I’m getting up this moment to start getting dressed. Wait! The phone is ringing – it’s my sister and she really needs to talk to me. It’ll just be a few more minutes. I’ll be fine.  

No problem, 15 minutes later, I’m finished and on my way upstairs. Oops, there’s the phone again. Should I answer it? It might be important. After all, this is our home, not the office – I better answer it.

DAMN!

Women Words

I often say,“I’m blessed to work with women.” One of my favorite pastimes is learning about women who’ve impacted history and hearing their specific words of wisdom. I’d like to share some of my favorites with you.

“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.”  - Eleanor Roosevelt 

Did you know Eleanor Roosevelt wrote a daily column from 1936-1962 similar to our modern day blogs?! I’ve shared the link below. She was one remarkable lady! 

“Failure is impossible.” – Susan B. Anthony

Another one of my favorites, Ms. Anthony was an abolitionist, education reformer; suffragist, women’s rights advocate, temperance worker and a labor advocate who initiated “equal pay for equal work.” While the temperance thing is not my personal favorite, she was a driving force in women being able to vote. 

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” – Maya Angelou

Some of my favorite more thoughtful quotes come from Maya Angelou. But, maybe I’m getting a little too heavy here. So, how about something from my favorite female comedian?

“Procrastination isn’t the problem, it’s the solution. So, procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres

Granted, Ellen’s delivery probably makes this funnier, but I really do enjoy her wit.

At UndercoverWear, I’m supposed to inspire and lead women on in life, so I need someone who has braved the unknown – like the first aviatrix to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean… 

“Adventure is worthwhile in itself.” – Amelia Earhart

Moving on to a female icon from this century – a woman who makes me feel young and dynamic; someone with excitement and flair…

“I’m just trying to change the world one sequin at a time.” – Lady Gaga.

Now that I can relate to! Thanks, Gaga. 

Getting serious again for a moment. While speaking in sound bytes is great, let’s remember that actions often speak louder than words. The aforementioned ladies have both, but let’s take a moment to think about women who have changed things for all of us just by doing…

Margaret Sanger was the first Birth Control advocate. While she certainly did her fair share of questionable actions, she’s a fascinating woman with a great story and amazing dedication. She and her sister were jailed many times!

Then there’s Sally Ride – the first US female astronaut – and Judith Reznick, the NASA astronaut who died in the space shuttle Challenger disaster. Let’s not forget Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords who was shot in the head by a crazy radical while she was doing her best to help America.

All this leaves me thinking, “What do I do?” I sell lingerie and romance accessories; I don’t take care for orphans or feed the homeless. I don’t belong to the Peace Corp, nor have I volunteered in Afghanistan. I haven’t run for US President (yet), nor can I attempt to fly into outer space.

But in my own small way, I do believe I have done my best to break through barriers for women. I’ve always fought for fairness and equality in the workplace.  I’ve argued with everyone from my next-door neighbor to Gloria Steinem saying that women can be fierce competitors in the boardroom and passionate lovers in the bedroom.  

I hope that through UndercoverWear and the plethora of things I do below radar have had a positive impact on women. These acts and my son will be my legacy!

So, remember whatever you chose to do in life, wherever you choose to go – may you go forth with Eleanor’s wisdom, Susan’s determination, Maya’s thoughtfulness, Ellen’s humor, Amelia’s bravery and of course, Gaga’s excitement! 

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Check out Eleanor Roosevelt’s column here: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/features/primary-resources/eleanor-my-day/

Stuff.

 

Many years ago, a 70-year old woman told me, “The first 40 years of your life, you spend collecting things. The next 40 are spent trying to figure out how to get rid of them.”

Well, it’s true – my husband and I have stuff...Lots of STUFF! (Remember, we once lived in 4 different homes at one time and had STUFF in all of them!)

My husband will say I have the most stuff and that’s probably true. Let’s see, I have collections of exotic fans, Limoges pill boxes, Lladro’s, Perfume bottles, decorative Faberge-type eggs, tea sets and champagne glasses. Let’s not forget the fur, jewelry, handbag and of course, SHOE collections! (My husband had my closet designed to hold 107 pairs of shoes. He was wrong – it currently holds 385 pair!)

Oh and the clothes--that’s a whole other topic. I’ve got fat clothes, skinny clothes, winter clothes, summer clothes, evening gowns and I even have a personalized bowling shirt. (Don’t ask!)

Why do I have so much stuff? Well, there are many reasons…

Some stuff was purchased during one of my many UndercoverWear travels, but many of my “collectables” were gifts. Now the clothes, shoes, handbags, etc. – those were “must haves.”

As far as my jewelry, I have an acquaintance in Hawaii to thank for that. Way back, I didn’t even buy jewelry. But, one day, she announced that I had “woozy jewelry.” At the time, I was much more insecure. To her, “success” meant having gorgeous jewelry, so I had to prove that I too was successful and I started to buy jewelry.

Rather dumb, don’t you think? I must admit, my husband has always been incredibly generous and buys me beautiful jewelry. My favorite piece is a necklace he had designed for me in San Paolo Brazil. In fact, I had my gown for my son’s wedding designed around this piece.

Anyway, my dilemma remains – how to get rid of all this stuff. Two problems – if the item was a gift, I don’t want to part with it for sentiment’s sake. If I purchased it, most likely I liked it then and still like it! I’m sure, “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” I’m on a mission – one by one, I’m going to start purging.

Let’s start with the easy stuff – like handkerchiefs. I have about 30 handkerchiefs. Most of them were my mother-in-law’s, featuring delicate hand crocheting – either stitched by her or her mother. (Oh boy, I’m screwed already.)  How can I get rid of anything hand made and belonged to my husband’s mother?

Okay, maybe I’ll give up skinny clothes. But, doing that will be admitting defeat – it’s like saying I’ll never be skinny again. Skinny clothes have to stay. 

I know, I’ll start with my tea sets – I don’t even like tea! This should be easy. Sitting right here on my desk is the pretty Limoges set with flowers and birds on it. It’s so delicate. No, I can’t bear to give it away or worse, sell it. I’ll move on. 

Instead, I will start with the knick-knacks in my office. The matching glass swans can’t be worth much. Wait! To me they are priceless. My son gave them to us as an anniversary gift when he was 9 years old. He picked them out and paid for them with his own money– I’ll never get rid of those glass swans.

That little bird is surely something I can toss. No, my beloved assistant Liz Casey (who died of cancer at 35) gave me that bird. It sits next to a photo of her with my son, both of them with big smiles, looking quite silly. I am absolutely keeping that.

That’s it. I can get rid of the glass slipper from Aruba filled with dice and coins – it’s just a tourist’s souvenir and I don’t need that.  Oh but was given to me to remember all the fun times my parents had with us in Aruba. My mother loved the slots, loved Aruba and loved having fun. Can’t get rid of that.

I wish I could find that old woman again; maybe she could give me some advice. It looks like my purging mission has suffered a failure to launch. If worse comes to worse, 30 plus years from now, when I am laid to rest, my son will be able to plan the biggest yard sale of all time! Until then, I think I’ll sit back and simply keep enjoying all my STUFF!

Classy Vs. Trashy

Lately, several of my blogs have been about “being sexy” – what is sexy, who is sexy and are YOU sexy. We’ve heard lots of opinions – many about sexy self-assured, confident women.

I’d like to get down to the basics of wearing sexy clothes. Now, I’m probably going to create lots of controversy because I think men and women have a major difference of opinion about what outfits make a woman look sexy. Most men really do enjoy looking at women in a low cut dress cut up to her “chucilla.” The more T&A a woman shows, the more a man likes it. Of course, some men don’t want their wife or girlfriend to show off her assets, but they sure as heck like looking at women who do. And believe me, men find that sexy!

Now, I’ll speak only for myself (perhaps not the rest of society). There are certain key factors in determining how to “look” sexy. What you wear should be body appropriate, event appropriate and age appropriate.

My husband and I attended on Friday night, a black tie dinner party. I wore a black Escada gown, which was extremely plain in the front, but the back was completely open and low cut.  I also “fluffed and buffed” with great makeup and hair – the whole nine yards. On the way into dinner, we bumped into an acquaintance of mine, “Mary.” Attractive and probably in her mid 60’s, Mary can be a bit nasty. However, that night, she complimented my gown and actually said I looked “great.” Frankly, I did.

Last night, my husband and I attended a cocktail party at the Governor’s Mansion. The attire was “Island Ethnic” – obviously, not quite explicit. I wore a long Anne Namba dress. Anne Namba is a successful local designer with amazing credentials. Not only did she graduate from the Fashion Institute of America but she has designed fashions throughout the world. (I describe her work as simplicity in design with extraordinary soft, flowing fabrics.) My red Anne Namba exemplified that look.

Well, guess what?  Mary was at the Governor’s Mansion as well! Oh by the way, the dinner was outside on the lawn. Ladies, you understand what that means – no stilettos.  Mary arrived with her husband Jack (in his late 60’s or early 70’s and still dyes his hair black.) Personally, there’s nothing more unappealing than a 60-year old man who still dyes his hair. Call me “sexist,” I don’t care.

Mary wore stilettos, a short (3 inches above the knee) skirt and a flowered top with lots of cleavage showing. I didn’t love the look, but obviously didn’t comment.  But, here’s the best part. Mary approached me and said, “Tiffany, wow you look so different from last night.”

What was I supposed to say?

She continued, “Last night you looked so fabulous and sexy – you looked 20 years younger.” 

I said, “So, Mary are you saying that tonight I look ‘old and frumpy?’”

She laughed and said, “Well, you just look different.”

Well thank you very much!

I responded, “And yes, Mary, I can assure you the next time you see me, I’ll probably look different again.” 

I didn’t add, “You Bitch.”

So, lets compare. Friday, I wore a sexy Escada gown with diamonds, glitz and glamour! Saturday, I wore a long, silk red dress with pearls and understated hair and makeup. Friday was a FUN black tie with close friends while Saturday was a dinner at the Governor’s Mansion. Obviously, Mary doesn’t understand event appropriate and age appropriate.

Needless to say, I don’t think Mary’s my next BFF.

Women have the right to dress however they like. I’m not judging Mary’s (or anyone else’s) attire – I couldn’t care less! Maybe Mary was dressing for Jack, I can appreciate that. I know when I go out alone with my husband, I dress “frisky and risky” – you ought to see us in Vegas! ALWAYS, event appropriate.

I’m concerned that women who dress to “look sexy” may be harming other facets of their lives. What message does the 26-year-old club-bound girl send when she shows more than she covers? If someone in her 30’s wears nothing but baggy, oversized clothes, does she lose her own sensuality? What about the 40-year-old who wears a “suburban wife and mother” wardrobe to simply blend in? Let’s not forget the businesswoman in her 50’s who isn’t taken seriously because she dresses SEXY at work or the one who is 60 but still thinks she’s 40 – does she lose every sense of grace and elegance?

Here’s my new mantra to help you achieve that sexy look – you can be classy AND sassy…. that spells SEXY.

One more thing. When it comes to the bedroom, all bets are off – dress like the Happy Hooker or Busty Burlesque Queen – just have fun. Flaunt your greatest assets when you’re behind closed doors.

Hair Update

As you will recall, I went to the beauty salon several weeks ago as a brunette and came out with jet-black hair. I absolutely, positively hated it.  

Last week, I went to a different salon and now have red hair. Before you think, “Oh my gosh, did they mess up again?” Au Contraire! I told her that’s what I wanted. 

Yes, I’ve gone from long black hair to chin length red hair. My husband normally prefers long dark hair, so the day I became a red head, I greeted him at the door in my favorite UndercoverWear items.

He loved my hair, he loved his “treats” and we had a very passionate evening.

One of my friends asked me how I could be so “gutsy” as to completely change my look in one afternoon.  I thought her comment was rather odd – is it “gutsy” to change hair color?

I think tattooing my sleeve might be gutsy…perhaps deciding to have liposuction and a facelift simultaneously might be gutsy…starving myself to get down to 100 pounds might be gutsy. But changing my hair? Seriously, that’s no big deal!

After several hours of processing and “stripping” my hair and a brief moment of concern when I saw bright orange on my head, my level headedness prevailed. Hair is hair – if I hate it, I can change it. Most importantly, hair grows back – it’s not a permanent change.

As most of my UCW Agents know, people who are afraid of change always mystify me.  Change is uncomfortable, but change is growth and change is good.

My husband always puts a price tag on every piece of real estate we own. If someone is willing to “pay the price,” we are out of there! (I often joke that maybe he even has a price tag on me! Boy, I’d be expensive.) Anyway, when people hear we’re always willing to sell (even the home we live in), I’m asked, “What would you do if it sold?”

Ah, another Tiffany truism – I never worry about what may or may not happen. If it sells tomorrow and someone gives us a week, I guess I’d have to start packing.

Life is way too short to put energy into inconsequential things. I’m absolutely not that attached to any material thing – not even our home. Call me crazy, but I know we could be happy anyplace. For those of you who are thinking, “oh sure, you could be happy as long as you’re living in a ‘mansion’ in Hawaii.” Shame on you – you don’t really know me.

We spent a lot of time in a small condo in Florida and we had a ball. I even did my shopping at Winn Dixie where the vehicle of choice was a pick-up truck. Let me tell you, those Southern boys can be pretty darn cute with those tight jeans! (Not that I was looking.)

Just wanted to bring you up to date on the latest Tiffany Hair Saga. But there’s a message in this tale - don’t go through life being “beige.” Take a chance, make a change and most importantly, have fun.

Happy Labor Day!