Best Customer Ever!

For some reason I started thinking about how UndercoverWear first began and how many shows I did.  As you may know, I started doing parties and then a Boston Herald reporter decided to do an article on the concept of bringing “naughty nighties” into Middle America’s living rooms.  It was a two-page full color article.  Needless to say, our phone was ringing constantly. Everyone wanted to have a party.

For the first few weeks after the article appeared, I never knew where I was going or what type of environment I would be in.  I did shows in split-level suburban homes as well as 3 tenement inner city homes and everything in between.  I did shows in perfectly neat and organized homes to shows where if the hostess offered me a glass of water, I politely declined.  I ran the gamut in every direction.   Back then there was no GPS.   So, I simply got in my car and drove--often times getting lost, but finally reaching my destination.

One of my parties was booked at Harbor Towers in Boston which is a high rise condominium complex right on the Boston Waterfront.  I knew this was going to be a very nice place and hopefully a great party. The hostesses name was Samantha* and I determined she was approximately my age (which was 28). She told me she would have about 10 of her friends and that I should be there about 6:30.  She was incredibly sweet pleasant over the phone.   She also mentioned that I should simply park my car and let the doorman know I was going to her home and that the doorman and her husband would bring in my lingerie etc.

That was the plan and I followed it.  When the doorman let me in, I was surprised to find out that Samantha lived in the Penthouse.  I went upstairs and Samantha greeted me as warmly as I had expected.  Her husband Todd* was equally friendly and ironically was Polish (like my husband) so we instantly had a great  rapoire. Samantha was delightful, bright, beautiful and articulate.  Her husband was much more basic but very nice.  Based on the fact that their apartment was gorgeous and there was a butler serving champagne and caviar (which by the way I had never tasted in my life), it was easy to see that this couple was doing quite well financially.

Samantha’s friends were equally delightfully and the show was wonderful.  Nine gals were there and each bought about $100.  So my show was close to $1000!  Think back –it was 1977—that was a fabulous SHOW!

After more champagne, caviar, shrimp and a plethora of other fantastic food and desserts, the attendees started to leave.  I, too, was ready to go home, but Samantha and Todd kept saying that one more guest was expected.  By this time, I really wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to “insult” my gracious host and hostess. 

At about 10:30 the doorman announced that Brian* was on his way up.  Obviously, Brian was a close friend because the doorman just let him in.

Brian arrived with his date—a gorgeous young 21 year old blond.

After the introductions, Brian said to me,  “Tiffany take Jessica in and let her try anything she wants –and Jessica show me how you look in it.”  For the next hour and a half Jessica tried just about every piece of lingerie I had available in her size. Of course she looked gorgeous in just about everything. But I was getting rather tired and wanted to leave.  Plus neither Brian or Jessica had chosen one item yet to buy.  If time is money, my money was being spent quickly. 

As the butler opened yet another bottle of champagne, Brian finally said to Jessica, “So what do you want”  Jessica answered, “Whatever you want to buy me”.  I really wanted to say, “Just make a decision so I can go home”

Brian started, “OK well put this aside and this aside and this aside etc.”   He had about 25 pieces ranging from corselettes to long gowns to peignoir sets to bras and garter belts to short baby dolls.  Now I figure we had to go through the elimination process. I was going to be there all night.

Finally after all the “maybes” were put together, Brian said, “Tiffany, how much?”  I replied, “I’m sorry which pieces?”  He said “All that I’ve  chosen.”

I said, “Everything?”  He said, “Yes of course.  But I want a 10% discount.”  Well that was certainly a no brainier.

Brian spent over $2,000 and proceeded to hand me 20 $100 bills.  He then gave me another $200 for being so nice!  I got his 10% discount! Hooray!

So my show was over $3,000 and I had a perfectly delightful time and made lots of $$$ Plus I got to meet Samantha and Todd and Brian and Jessica. It was a great night.

Postscript:  I got to see Brian and Todd again.  Unfortunately it was on the news.  Todd was convicted on selling “junk bonds” and Brian was convicted on mob crimes.  I later found out Brian was Head of the Boston Mafia.  Oh well, I am an equal opportunity lingerie salesperson.  Thank you Brian and Todd! (And just to be safe….I’ve changed ALL the names in this story!!!)

 Post-Postscript.  I believed my Harbor Tower adventure was gone forever.   However, I was wrong.  After college, while working at another company that obviously paid him well,  my son Jamie lived at the opposite Harbor Tower in the penthouse.  While I didn’t visit him often, I should tell you about the time that I inadvertently broke into his apartment (thanks to the Security Guard) thinking he was sleeping ---alone --and as you guessed it --he wasn’t!  Ahh another Tiffany/Harbor Tower story.   Perhaps Jamie would much rather share that one with you.  All I can say is like Brian and Todd, I proclaim my innocence!!!!!





Self-Confidence is a WONDERFUL Thing!



Last night WJJ and I attended the Opera Ball.  Most charity events in Honolulu have the same format.  Most often they’re Black Tie and it’s held at the Sheraton ballroom.  You arrive at 6:00PM and upon entering you receive a glass of champagne and then you walk around the reception area perusing the “silent auction items.”  Last night was quite typical.

I wore a black Escada gown and I was incredibly thankful that it fit perfectly and my hair came up nicely.  By the way, I do my own hair for all functions.  I will tell you that often times, my hair seems to look fabulous when WJJ and I are simply staying home.  And when we are going to a gala, it never seems to come out right.  I probably spend way too much time “fluffing and buffing.”  The good news was, last night everything seemed to fall into place.

Once we had our champagne in hand, I seemed to get something in my eye.  When you wear contact lenses and cannot see 5 inches in front of you with them, this could spell catastrophe.  I quickly excused myself to the Ladies Room to “check out” the contact.

Fortunately, after a few blinks, everything was OK.  But I did notice that throughout my “blinking session” there was a thirty-something gal standing next to me fumbling with the back of her dress.  She was wearing a print long “gown” and had also had a non-descript sweater over it.  After watching her for several minutes, I asked, “Do you need any help?”

She very quietly said that she was trying to adjust her gown.   She continued, “My friend just told me I’m falling out of my dress.”  By the way, even if she did “fall out”, there wasn’t much to see.  Plus what kind of friend would say that at a black tie event and not volunteer to help?

She explained what she was trying to do.  Of course, I took over.  I needed a pin (which she had with her) and an elastic (which she had on her long ponytail).  In about 2 minutes, I adjusted the dress to her liking.  I was just about ready to walk away--but I couldn’t. I was not going to leave her in that dowdy sweater.

So, I paused, then stopped and then continued    I took the sweater and tied it up towards one side creating a very  fashion forward asymmetrical tie.  I then took her hair and put in to the other side.   A tad bit of blush and she looked fabulous!  She repeatedly kept softly thanking me.  Finally she said, “My husband will be thrilled.”

Ya think it was her husband who made the comments?

Anyway, this event had 1,000 people.  I went to find WJJ and as luck would have it, there was my new friend “Neely” standing with WJJ and a very dear friend of ours.  Neely introduced me to her husband --a very attractive fellow who is involved with the arts.  Neely was grinning with a great deal of self confidence.   I was tickled beyond words.

No, I didn’t try to recruit her.  No, I didn’t try to book a party.  Every so even I just do things because it’s nice.  Period.   End of statement.  You know what?  Regardless of my major accomplishments in life, last night made me realize that sometimes it’s the simple joys in life that make us feel good.  And Neely’s new confidence was my simple joy.



I am "Normal"

WJJ and I have an arrangement.  He does the Costco shopping and I do the Safeway Shopping.  For the record, I am the Queen of Safeway.  I go there once a week with Safeway card and coupons in hand.  I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I actually have a “master list” of groceries which is 3 pages long.  So rather than have to write down what I need, I merely check it off.

I hadn’t been to Safeway in a couple of weeks so my list was fairly lengthy.  I happen to absolutely love their “Refreshe” sparkling water.  Seriously, if there is a Safeway near you, please get some. My favorite two flavors are Wild Cherry and Orange Cream.  There are no calories, no carbs and it’s naturally flavored.  You absolutely have to try it!

Anyway aside from my list, Safeway had lots of great sales going on.  One in particular was timely.  When you spent $50.00 or more you could buy a 16-19 pound turkey (while supplies last) for only $3.99.  That’s for the entire turkey.  At 16 pounds that $.25 a pound.  They also featured 20 - 24 pound turkey for $4.99 which is $.23 a pound.   This was a no brainer.   As they say, the bigger the better.

So I did all my grocery shopping and waited till the last minute to find my turkey. 

There was a really large freezer with turkey upon turkey.  All the turkeys on top were 20 pounds.  Now you might think that that would be fine.  Oh no, not for me.  I was hell bent on finding the biggest turkey in the freezer.  20 pounds --nope  21 pounds --nope.  I kept searching.  Success at last! I found a turkey that weighed 23.99 pounds.

And that bird was heavy. But I am confident I got the biggest one that had.  So I only paid $.20 a pound. 

As I was boasting about my victory, a friend (or should I say acquaintance) said, “Oh I can’t believe that you actually went to Safeway and rummaged for a turkey.  Not you, you’re Tiffany James.”  And? Well I couldn’t stop myself so my rather cryptic sense of humor decided to display itself in full force.

I answered, “Oh you’re right.  I was just fibbing.  I actually brought a staff with me --a chauffer, a chef, and three assistants --one to push the cart, one to grab the groceries and one to fan me to keep me cool.

“ Yes”, I continued, “if you’ve been on the Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, you must always act like a  Rich and Famous.”

You know what she said?  “I knew you were joking about Safeway.”  

Seriously, do some people not get it.  I really enjoy some of the luxuries that I can afford.  I feel blessed that through hard work, perseverance and a vision, that I have been able to create a lifestyle that is really wonderful.  And I feel even more grateful, that UCW has done so for thousands of families.

I may not be “normal” in a lot of ways, but when it comes to basic living, WJJ and I are about as normal as you can find.  While mediocrity is unacceptable to me --normalcy is quite appealing.

So don’t call me beige, don’t call me average--but please, call me normal.

TJ



Absolutely....Perfect.

Women of all ages seem to want the exact same things. They want to be happy and content while still achieving specific goals.  They want to have a wonderful relationship, plenty of money, great kids, a good job, and lots of supportive friends and family.

They also want to possess certain intrinsic qualities like faith, love and compassion.  They want to maintain a sense of fun and humor. (Kinda like a cross between Mother Theresa and Ellen DeGeneres.)

They want to look young and fabulous, feel great and be thin.  They want to be in control of their life, make independent decisions and yet maintain the grace, elegance and sensuality of being a woman.

In other words, they “Want It All”. 

Well, sorry.  That’s not going to happen.   There is no such thing as the perfect life, the perfect job, the perfect woman or the perfect man (though WJJ would debate that.  He really does think he’s perfect.)

You can create the life that you want and deserve.  But first get rid of all those preconceived notions about Perfection.  Dig deep down and unleash all your secret weapons for success.   You will discover that there is a great POWER in YOU to become the best of the best!  And while you not have “the perfect life”, you will enjoy the journey and most importantly you will enjoy “Just being YOU!”



Weekend Notes

This was a great weekend.  The Patriots won big time.  (Sorry Steelers fans…not really).  The Broncos won  -Hooray!  (I don’t think I know any Kansas City fans.  Interesting.)

WJJ and I had a great Saturday evening with friends.  Lots of delicious Italian food and wine.   And most importantly, my dear friend Yvonne came  through major surgery with flying colors!   

When someone you love is experiencing serious health problems it reinforces my philosophy.   When facing a challenge - there are only two points to consider.  If it’s not life or death - it’s everything else.  Of course you can then break down your challenges into “major inconvenience” and “minor inconvenience”.   Major inconveniences might include - God forbid - breaking a leg.  Minor inconveniences are things like losing your wallet.   Something like “running out of gas” is not an inconvenience --it is “bad planning”.

Anyway, several people in my “inner circle” are experiencing life and death situations.  But as I shared with my good friend Avis when she found out she had breast cancer, you cannot give cancer or illness even more control over your life.

I realize that takes a whole lot of inner strength. But you know what, every day that you don’t shed a tear, you should - no erase that  - you must rejoice.

So all things considered, it was a fabulous weekend!!! And tonight it’s a wine tasting event (for charity) and tomorrow my Executive Assistant Gina and I are going out for dinner.  And Saturday evening it is another charity event for the Opera Company.

It will certainly be a fun and fattening week!

 (By the way, do you know that the French do not have a word for “fun”.  They think it is too immature and childlike. )

Oh well, C’est la vie!

My Art Class

I must be on a  roll. A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend Linda convinced me to take art lessons.  She had been going for 2 weeks and said it was fun.  I shared with Linda that I have never  painted in my life.  She said,  “No worries.  I’m a beginner too.” So I said “Sure, sounds like fun.”

Unlike golf, I really felt I would enjoy this.  Of course, I did have to make an investment in my materials. You can’t rent art supplies.  I needed to find out the medium + discovered I was taking watercolors.  The little I know about painting, I do know watercolors are the most difficult. They are unforgiving.  You can’t really paint over it-where as in oils you can.

I was fine with that --after all, we were all beginners.

OH NO, WE WEREN’T!!!  As I arrived, I noted that the other 12 students were putting their work on display at the beginning of class.  My God, some of the work by the students looked like masterpieces.  Monet and Cezanne had nothing on them.

By now, you probably guessed that this was not a beginners’ class.  Nope.  Advanced watercolors.  Some of the students had been taking classes for 10 years. You think I was in over my head?  You betcha.

So everyone was lovely and gracious and welcoming.  The Professor complimented every painting, pointing out the strength of the “artist”.  He then gave us an assignment.  We were to paint some sort of display with books on it.  Now, that might sound easy to you, but my worst subject in all my years of school was geometry.  And when painting anything with angles, you’ve got to understand all that stuff.  Great.

I toiled for days.  I threw two paintings away. Finally, I got one that wasn’t disastrous.  There was only one part of it that I didn’t like.  Well after having a vodka martini, I decided to touch it up.  Bad idea.  Totally ruined the painting. Dumb as a rock.

So the next day (one day before class), I started again. I went to class and put my 1^st grade masterpiece amongst the Renoirs.  While the Professor and the other students were kind and polite about my work (you know nice colors -great first effort), I was not a happy camper.

I am an achiever.  I am never at the bottom of the class. How was I supposed to be good at this when I didn’t have clue what I was doing.   I didn’t have the basics down pat. And because of UndercoverWear, I certainly know the importance of those basics.

Well I almost quit the class.  I had to do a lot of soul searching about why I would want to leave.  I decided it was 90% ego and 10 % disappointment.  I didn’t like not being the best.  And unfortunately I don’t have the basic skills to become the best.

But I really do like the Professor and the other students. What is my solution?

I am staying with the course or on course.  I have purchased several watercolor books.  I am painting often and trying to be “self taught” and finally, I bring great pastries to class each week. I jokingly said to everyone, “if I can’t paint, then I’ll be a great hostess.”  They responded, “Oh you’re so nice and you are by far the best dressed student we have ever had.”  “Hostess with the Mostest, Best Dressed, --I’ll take it --for now.

Tj



The Book of Questions....

Hope everyone had a great weekend!  We spent it with a number of friends around the island at various dinners and parties and WJJ and I had a great time.  I think it is really important for couples to continually reconnect.  And I don’t mean just sexually - while that’s important as well.  Many years ago someone shared the following, “you can have a rotten marriage and great sex, but you can’t have a great marriage and rotten sex.”   Don’t really know if I agree.  Obviously, I haven’t had rotten sex.  Thank you UCW!

I remember having a very heated debate with my girlfriend Lori.  She had “the Book of Questions”.  Now this back is designed to have discussions --there are no right or wrong answers.  So the question was, “If you could have just one thing in your relationship --not both --would it be friendship or passion?”  Lori answered “Friendship”. I answered, “Passion”.  We fought over that for years.  Then she found a young hot guy and changed her mind.  Tj was right again! 

By the way, WJJ hates that book.  You know, other questions are things like,  “Would you rather receive $100,000 for you or receive $1 Million for charity?”  Another question would be “Would you want to know in advance when you were going to die?” 

So one night several months ago, we had company and I said to everyone, “Let’s get out the Book of Questions!”  WJJ looked at me and said, “No not right now.”  I said, “Well, when can we play?”  Without skipping a beat, he said, “When they write the Book of Answers.”  He is so weird.

So, when I want to chat about those controversial, heart-warming, mind-challenging hypothesis of life, I call my sisters, my girlfriends or my gay-guy friends not WJJ.    See?  Life can be simple.





Success!

I recently found a whole lot of my writing folders.  I think I have spent half my life documenting my thoughts and feelings.  I also found some very old poems I wrote.

Thought I would share one of my favorites

Success

The definition of success refers to fame and glory.

But oh my friends I know it’s wrong –that’s surely not the story

For one, success might be a life that’s filled with joy

For someone else success might be the birth of her baby boy

And for another it just might be the blanket that she knit

Or something much more simple, like the candle that she lit.

No, success cannot be measured by your money or your fame

For we are fools if we don’t know, It’s how you play the game.

Success is really personal - it’s one’s own sense of pride

Or knowing life was challenging, but at least you know you tried

And at the end of every day when all is said and done.

The most important thing to say, “Oh boy has this been fun.!”