My Father

Cars were really important in our house.  In fact, when my sisters and I turned 16, we each got a new car. My mother, however, didn’t drive because of a car accident early into her marriage to my father. But my father loved cars.

My father – a Deputy Sheriff, Court Officer and Process Server – was the most charming, wonderful man. Sadly, he passed away 3 years ago.

The aging gods were unkind to my father as he aged. He had several detached retinas and a plethora of other health problems. Once he stopped working (because of these problems), his only remaining sense of independence was driving his car. He’d run errands, go grocery shopping and every Saturday night after church go for a beer (or two) and drive home.

One night, I happened to be driving behind him and I couldn't believe how badly he was driving. Obviously, he couldn't see very well – if at all. The next day, I gathered my sisters and my mom (yes, I am the first born), and told them that we had to stop our father from driving.

"He could kill himself, or worse, kill someone else," I warned them.

As I’m writing this, I’m filled with sadness and anguish. I can’t tell you how difficult this was – he yelled, screamed and drove the car everywhere. But, I remained undaunted. Ultimately, we removed the car. He really hated me for months after that.

We did have a full time driver for him, but it didn't matter. As it was put to us, “Charlie had lost his identity when he retired and now he’s lost his independence."

My mother passed away a short while later, so I guess the loss of his car wasn’t quite as important as it had once been.

But honest to God, a week before he passed away he said, "Tiffy, you think I'll be able to drive again?"

Hopefully, he’s riding around in a wonderful new Cadillac in heaven!

Redefining Sexy

Sexy

Several months ago, my husband and I were in Las Vegas and were taken aback by a bunch of 20-somethings heading out to go clubbing. They were dressed to impress – complete with skirts up to their choochilas and tops so low cut that everything short of nipples was exposed! I’m not talking short – I’m talking obscene!

Some of these gals were stunning with great bodies and others were a bit on the “hefty” side. But it didn’t matter! They looked like they could’ve been working Hollywood and Vine (ya know from Pretty Woman).

Let’s imagine one of these girls met the “Man of her dreams” at the bar dressed like hooker. What do you think the man is going to expect that night? I’m sure most of these gals probably do have morals, but based on what they were wearing, they’re simply sending out the “you’re going to get lucky” message. 

Allow me to sound like grandma now. (Wait, I really am one – but Niccie calls me “Tutu” so it doesn’t count.) Anyway, in my day, I think I was pretty hot – I wore everything from blonde wigs to rubber dresses at UndercoverWear Fashion Shows – and I certainly had the “strut” down pat. 

But if I think back to when I was dating my husband, I hope I looked sexy without ever coming close to looking like a hooker!

Young women today should learn that sexy doesn’t mean looking X rated. Marilyn Monroe was the ultimate sex symbol for blonde; Sophia Loren had raw sex appeal; and don’t forget Grace Kelly’s class and aristocratic sex appeal. Obviously, my age is showing, but seriously, I find these legendary ladies far sexier than Pam Anderson or Lady Gaga.

Of course men love to look at women with big boobs in low cut dresses the size of a bandage - unquestionably they do. But then again, even my husband says, “Men are pigs.”

Now, that’s out of a man’s mouth, so don’t start writing letters. You’ve all heard the story about the “Men are pigs and deserve to fry” club my friends formed when their husbands cheated on them. They all still have the 18k gold pig pins and custom t-shirts I had designed for club members only! 

I digress… The bottom line is this – look sexy, but look like a lady. Here’s my take on sexy at every age:

20 year olds think they have to look sexy 

30 year olds think they’re naturally sexy

40 year olds act sexy  (yep, enter confidence)

50 year olds wonder if they’re too old to be sexy

60 year olds want someone – ANYONE – to say they’re sexy

70 year olds try to remember sexy

80 year olds are glad they don’t have to be sexy

90 year olds – by God – they are SEXY!

Remember this ladies, sexy is what sexy does!

Happy Valentine's Day

After researching the origin of Valentine’s Day, I’ve discovered various theories, but the most popular dates back to the time of the Roman Empire during the reign of Claudius II, 270 AD. Claudius didn't want men to marry during wartime because he believed single men made better soldiers. Bishop Valentine went against his wishes and performed secret wedding ceremonies. For this, Valentine was jailed and then executed on February 14. While in jail, he wrote a love note to the jailor's daughter signing it, "From your Valentine." Catchy Phrase!

Moving on to the “XOXOXO” – that’s really complicated!

X is the Greek equivalent to “CH.” (Hence the Xmas vs. Christmas) It took me years to figure that out. In medieval times, when common people were unable to write, the X was placed on the document as a kiss – placed to show their sincerity.

The “O” is of North American descent, but no one seems to really know how it began. Theory is that the round shape represents arms encircling one another as in the embrace.

So X = Kiss O = Embrace.

Of course, I always thought XO mean Love and Kisses. So I’m going with the X = 2 lovers individually being a mere simple line but together creating the Xperience of love, joy and happiness. The “O” represents the circle of love with no beginning and no end.

Hey, my theory is as good as anyone else’s.

Here are more Valentine fun facts:

Food:

• Girls of medieval times ate bizarre foods on St. Valentine's Day to make them dream of their future spouse. (Quick, grab the oysters!)
•  Casanova, known as "The World's Greatest Lover," ate chocolate to make him virile.

• Over $1 billion worth of chocolate is purchased for Valentine's Day in the U.S. 

Flowers:

• The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love.
• Red roses are considered the flower of love because the color red stands for strong romantic feelings.
• Approximately 110 million roses, mostly red, will be sold and delivered within the three-day Valentine's Day time period.

I’ve got it – Chocolate Roses – those should be worth a couple of BILLION!

And finally, the most fabulous and tragic gift of love is the Taj Mahal in India.  Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan built it as a memorial to his third wife who died during childbirth. The principal mausoleum was completed in 1648   and the surrounding buildings and garden were finished five years later.  Shortly after the Taj Mahal was completed, his son put him under “house arrest.” When he died, he was placed next to his beloved wife in the mausoleum. 

The bottom line is there are many beautiful love stories and some heart enduring. But on this Valentine’s Day, let’s focus on giving out lots of XXXX OOOO’s!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

One Step Closer to Teresa Giudice!

So far, our Six Degrees approach to contacting Teresa has not worked. However, I might be one step closer. Last night, we were at a dinner party and I met a lovely woman – 70 years young, stunning and accomplished. Of course, we immediately started chatting.

I thought she was fabulous! Truth be told, it didn’t hurt that she seriously thought I’d been a New York model. I graciously accepted the compliment and set the record straight that I hadn’t modeled in New York. She insisted, so I conceded, “perhaps a bit.” Well I did you know – I was no Cindy Crawford, but those UndercoverWear fashion shows are pretty packed!

Anyway, we got on the topic of our children – I proudly talked about my son and his family, while she told me about her son who works at the Hilton Hawaiian Village and her daughter in New York.

Her NY daughter married a Soprano – I didn’t know if she meant vocalist or gangster! Neither – her daughter, a model and actress, is married to James Gandolfini from “The Sopranos.”

Mr. Gandolfini is obviously Italian, born in New Jersey. I have no idea if “Jimmy” knows Teresa or if he’s coming to Hawaii in the near future. I don’t even know if I will meet him. However, I think this is an omen. I WILL be doing an UndercoverWear show for the Housewives of New Jersey. I can feel it.

We’re getting closer.

Stay tuned as we test the validity of the “Six Degrees of Separation…”

Phil Donahue Part III - with a BUNCH of Celebrities!!!

When I arrived in Chicago, a driver holding a Phil Donahue sign with my name on it immediately greeted me.  Those around me were whispering and pointing and in fact, I heard one couple say, “Oh she’s famous --I just can’t remember her name.”

My suite at the Drake Hotel was gorgeous.   There was a fruit basket, champagne and a welcome note from The Donahue Staff, as well as my agenda for the next two days.

So Day One in Chicago ended with me looking over all my notes preparing for my meeting with Phil Donahue the next day.  The taping would not be until Day Three.

Day Two --Chicago 

As I woke up, I realized that this was it this was “the day!”  I looked in the mirror and repeatedly said,   “Tiffany James this is going to be fabulous.  Tiffany James YOU are going to be fabulous.”

I absolutely had to use positive reinforcement.   I could not let my nerves get to me.  As you know, I am a firm believer in “What you say is what you hear.  What you hear is what you believe.”  So I simply kept repeating my mantra, “Tiffany, You will be great.”

I wasn’t really worried about meeting Phil Donahue “the man”, but I was scared to death to meet Phil Donahue the talk show host.  For anyone that remembers his show, his format was simple.  He would interview you pointedly and directly then literally run around the audience with mike in hand and ask controversial questions.   Boy, I was going to have to be on my “A Game.”  And equally important, there was no way to know which questions he would ask and worse how the audience would react.

My pickup was scheduled at 11:00 AM.  I got up early and looked in the mirror --of course I wanted to look fabulous!  I had purposely brought my “That Girl” wardrobe with me.  For those of you who don’t know – “That Girl” was a TV show that starred Marlo Thomas who happened to be married to Phil Donahue. 

At 10:00 I was at the Beauty Salon asking them to merely “cut my bangs.”  By 11:00 I was ready to head to the station.  I was wearing a cute little red dress with an adorable hat.  My makeup was impeccable + I purposely made sure my brown eyes stood out.

I had done several TV shows previously, so I knew the routine.  After the initial “hellos” to a variety of assistants, you are invited into “the green room” to watch the show that was being taped at that moment.    This day was no different.

I was ushered into the Green Room and watched the show. The audience was packed and the stage had a very scruffy looking man with a bandana performing with his band.  I had no idea who he was.  The song ended and the audience clapped fervently while Mr. Donahue said, “Thank you Willie Nelson.”  I still had no idea who he was. 

(As a sideline, there are times I think I’ve lived in a cocoon or better yet I was so focused on what I was achieving, I really did not pay attention to much else.)

Anyway, a few minutes later, in walked Jane the Producer with all smiles.  Less than 5 minutes later, in walked “the scruffy guy” and Phil Donahue.  He was incredibly warm and friendly.   He asked several times, “Have we met before?”  I sweetly smiled and said, “I don’t think so.”  I knew we had not.   He commented, “Boy you look so familiar.”  Of course I did, I looked like his wife!!!  My strategy had worked!

Phil invited me to lunch with he and Willie Nelson.  Basically they both asked me questions about UCW and its success!  It was a great lunch --easy and fun.  “OK, I might be over the nerves,”  I thought.

I went back to the hotel and started going over the segments.  My assistant Karen was due in @ 9:00 PM.  The next day, WJJ and the rest of the entourage were coming in and we were taping the following day.

About 6:30 I decided to go to the restaurant in the hotel for dinner.  I was walking with the Maitre D headed towards my table, when Mr. Donahue spotted me and asked if I would like to join him for dinner.  He was seated with another gentleman whose back was to me.

I, of course, graciously accepted.  As I was seated, I realized the gentleman was Henry Kissinger.  Oh my God.  I was now with one of the most interesting men in the world.  Well, to best describe my reaction...  Do you remember the scene out of Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts “flips” the escargot and says virtually nothing?  Well that was me that night.

No, I didn’t mess up my dinner but I sat there in awe of the conversation about World Leaders.  I mean seriously, I wasn’t going to talk about peek-a-boo undies or corselets with the former Secretary of State.  Though Mr. Donahue did mention my business and Secretary Kissinger did ask a couple of question, bottom line is I was more enthralled with listening to the conversation.

It was amazing!  While one might not think Secretary Kissinger was attractive --when listening to him he became the most desirable man on earth.  He was brilliance at its best.

I excused myself before dessert --being very grateful I had not made a blunder and went upstairs.  Yes in one day, I had met Phil Donahue, had lunch with Willie Nelson and had dinner with Henry Kissinger.  Not bad for a young girl from Lawrence Massachusetts!!  

Only one thing left --to actually do the Show!

Donahue Show - Part II

As I shared with you in last week’s blog, suddenly my hard work had paid off and I was going to appear on The Donahue Show.  Jane, the producer, wanted me to arrive a couple of days in advance in order to go over the format.

Filled with a combination of confidence and trepidation, I boarded the plan to Chicago in First Class thanks to Mr. Donahue.  In “the old days”, it was not often that a female would be seated alone in first class.  So often, I was seated next to a man.

This flight was no exception. 

I had traveled for UCW often and usually I had a male plane partner. So after the “getting settled” phase and the name introduction, my “companion” asked a question that I had heard often, “So, are you a flight attendant?”  OK so an attractive early thirtysomething woman, it was assumed that I could only be traveling first class if I was an Attendant.  Without volunteering any information, I would answer, “No, I’m not.”  Most often, they would then ask, “Is your husband a pilot?””  (Obviously they knew I was married based on the wedding band --clever).  Again, I would say, “No he is not.”   Next response, “So what does your husband do?”  Of course, my husband had to be “paying my way”.  There’s no possibility that I could be young, well dressed and accomplished as well.  Course not.

By this time, I would get a bit “twirpy”.  “Actually I own a lingerie company.”  (Sorry WJJ, I wasn’t going to do the husband and wife thing --not to this jerk.)  Well, 9 times out of 10, my “male mate” would then use what he thought was the single most clever response in the world.  Can you guess what it was? 

He’d say, “Boy, I’d like to see you in YOUR lingerie.”

How crass!  How typical male!

At first, I got rather offended and then put them in their place by talking about the financial success of UCW.  But that got boring.

So in order to calm my nerves on this particular flight, I got creative.

I said, “Oh then you should visit our corporate headquarters”.   I continued,

“Yes at UndercoverWear all employees are compelled to wear our product each day.  We feel it is essential to establish espirit de corps by wearing some sort of lingerie to work.  It keeps us very focused on our product line.”

He said, “You’re kidding, right?”

Without skipping a beat, I said.  “Oh no, I’m dead serious.  Our receptionist wears a little corsellete --not too revealing -the female staff members can wear anything from baby dolls to chemises to even comfy pajamas.  We’ve developed a “Hugh Hefner” lounging set for the men to wear.”

I continued, “As owner, I really get to wear anything I want --from the ultra conservative to the barely nothing --of course certainly nothing completely sheer but a diaphanous long gown is usually my choice.”  The poor guy had no idea what diaphanous meant --but I could seem him picture “Playboy bunnies with big boobs wearing marabou slippers or better yet stiletto heesl walking around UCW.”

He so wanted to believe the story, he did.  Trust me, he was almost salivating.

This was fun.

He asked why I was going to Chicago and I of course I said that I was doing the Donahue show and he should really watch it so he could see our Corporate Attire.

Well Mr. Idiot Man fell hook, line and sinker.  He asked if he could visit UCW the next time he was in Boston.  I said, of course, but only if he would change into the Hefner loungewear.  He was more than happy to oblige.

Finally I arrived in Chicago with a limo waiting to pick me up for my big adventure.

I was staying at the Drake Hotel in a gorgeous suite.  Tomorrow I would be meeting Phil Donahue in person.  And today, I had just pulled off quite the little story on this poor innocent man.

Then I thought about it, oh my God, tomorrow I was meeting Phil Donahue and I had just taken great pleasure in lying to this poor unsuspecting innocent man.    Could that be “bad karma?”  Was Phil Donahue going to throw me out or worse embarrass me in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers. 

Damn, I wished I had taken this guy’s business card to tell him I was only kidding. 

So I did what every good Catholic girl does when faced with a dilemma.   I made a deal with God.  I promised I would NEVER tell that story to another persona again IF I had a good interview on the Donahue Show. 

Guess what?  Evidently God listened.  I never could tell that story again.